Mother's Day Dinner: 19 Years Later

Today is Mother's day; it was also our opportunity to Skype with Ben.  When we Skyped Ben during Christmas time, we invited Jennifer's parents to join us us here at our home.  The visual connection worked fine, but the audio had problems.  To overcome the problem, we had Ben call us on the house phone and put it on "speaker" in order to hear him and talk to him.  Wanting to avoid a similar problem, Jennifer proposed to her parents that we come to their house this time.  The thought was that her father's computer would allow us to overcome the audio problems we had at Christmastime and allow us to talk to Ben without overly worrying about potential glitches and allow them to again be a part of the Skype conversation.

Unfortunately, a misunderstanding arose.  Jen's dad mistook this plan as us putting her mom a position where she would have to cook dinner for us; which, rightfully so, wasn't good because it was Mother's Day.  Jennifer responded that this wasn't her intention at all, but the ensuing conversation left the impasse unresolved.  When I came home from work that day, Jennifer told me what had happened and proposed us going out to dinner even though it was Sunday.  I could see where she was coming from; she was trying to smooth over the misunderstanding with her proposal, but I didn't feel comfortable about this idea either.  After thinking about it for a moment, I told Jen to tell her parents that I would make the dinner.  I felt that this would overcome the misunderstanding, keep us from having to pay for a meal on a Sunday, and keep both my wife and her mother from cooking.  I basically told Jen to tell them that my offer was "non-negotiable."  Thankfully, my offer ended the potential controversy.

Now that I had made the offer, I had to decide what to make for the dinner.  The more I considered it, the more I found myself focusing on lasagna.  Why lasagna?  For this reason: 19 years earlier, we had invited Jennifer's parents to our apartment for Mother's Day.  I had also volunteered to cook the meal back then and had decided on lasagna for that meal as well.   Because our ward met early (9:00 in the morning), I felt that the best thing for me to do would be to make the lasagna Saturday night and have everything ready.  I liked the idea of being able to pop everything in the oven as soon as we returned home from church and it would be all cooked and ready to eat by the time Jennifer's parents arrived.

However, Jennifer was also pregnant at the time.  By that Saturday, we'd had two (possibly three) false labors and knew that the time for our oldest son's arrival was imminent.  In the middle of me cooking the lasagna noodles and making the sauce, false labor changed to full blown labor.  There I was, in the middle of putting Mother's Day dinner together, and Jennifer (who had been quietly enduring true labor pains for about 30 minutes because she wasn't sure they were real and didn't want to stop me in the middle of making the dinner) finally announced she was having labor pains, they were about 5 minutes apart, and been consistent.  Imagine my shock.  I have a pot full of cooking noodles, a pan full of simmering sauce and a bowl full of cottage cheese mixture and my wife is telling me, "It's time."

Thinking back on it, that moment was pretty comical in some respects.  Totally caught off guard and sandwiched between what I was doing in the kitchen and what was taking place in the living room, I asked Jen if I should stop and take her to the hospital.  She told me that I should finish the lasagna "just in case."  I spent the next 30 minutes to an hour layering noodles with meat sauce and cottage cheese mixture in a Plexiglas casserole dish for a moment before hurrying to the couch to check on Jennifer when a new wave of labor pains struck.  Noodles, couch; sauce, couch; cottage cheese, couch; repeat twice more.  When I finished the lasagna and put it in the refrigerator and after we read scriptures (Jennifer insisted that we read our scriptures before she went to the hospital), I took Jennifer to the hospital and the rest is history.

A few hours after Ben's birth, the nurses sent me home to make phone calls get a few hours of sleep (it was a 14 hour labor through the night).  Later on, instead of coming to our apartment as originally planned, Jen's parents came to the hospital to see the new addition to our family and returned home.  When I came home from the hospital and looked into the refrigerator, I realized I had this big lasagna and no one to eat it.  I put it in the freezer and figured we'd eat it later.  After Ben came home, Relief Society sisters brought us dinners; the lasagna remained in the freezer.  About a week later, my mom came down to help Jennifer and meet her new grandchild while I returned to work.  She stayed for at least several days, possibly a week.  While she was there, I transferred the lasagna from the freezer to the refrigerator to let it thaw.  In the end, my culinary work was eaten by a grandmother, just not the grandmother it was originally intended for. ☺

This is why my plan to make dinner for Mother's Day today focused once again on lasagna.  I figured I had planned to make Jennifer's mom a lasagna dinner 19 years ago, but she wasn't able to eat it—for a very worthwhile reason.  As we started eating today's lasagna meal, I told Jennifer's parents this story and said that now, nearly 19 years later, I finally had the chance to give them the lasagna dinner that they didn't get to eat on the Mother's Day when Ben was born.  They appreciated the sentiment and the lasagna turned out good. ☺

Tried and True vs. Shiny and New

In my last post, I related my story about the "death" of my Civic and my acquisition of a new Kia.  I also mentioned that Isaac has been singing "21st Century Man" from ELO whenever he gets the opportunity. ☺  Well, I guess my latest step into the 21st century has now taken place with the purchase of a "smart" phone.  I know this is going to make me sound like a total dinosaur, but until now, I have been the happy owner of the pictured "dumb" phone.  For 12 years, my punky little phone has been exactly what I needed.  When Jennifer got it for me, she wanted to be able to call me if she needed to as I was on my way home, or it allowed me to contact her or work or (on several occasions over the years) AAA when I needed a tow.  Now I have a car with Bluetooth technology.  I can synch up a cell phone to my new car and use my steering wheel and voice commands to call people (hands free type stuff—real cutting edge ☺).  My punky phone couldn't synch up with the Kia and I want to use the Bluetooth technology because it would be safer than trying to punch in a phone number or talk with the phone to my ear while driving (which is also against the law).  So the choice was either upgrade or be stuck with technology that is of no use to me anymore.  Based on those choices, I decided the better option was to upgrade.  My punky phone was good enough for 12 years; now it's not.

To remedy this situation, Jennifer and I went to T-Mobile to upgrade.  I've never been a huge "phone guy" (why else would I keep my punky phone for so long) and we wanted to keep costs down, so we went with the basic smart phone instead of latest, newfangled "i" or "Galaxy" phone.  When the time came for us to swap sim cards from our old phones to the new phones, the sales associate helping us looked at my phone and said, "Wow, this should be in a museum."  At that moment, I had flashes of Indiana Jones on a rickety, old freighter, fighting for possession of the crucifix of Coronado; and yes, she probably thought I belong in a museum too. ☺

With new smart phones in hand, we wanted to do what we could to protect our investment and buy protective cases and screen protectors and such.  We didn't like was offered at T-Mobile and went to the mall to a kiosk that sold a wider variety of these items.  As we were picking out all these accoutrements, Jennifer happened to mention to the two 20-something sales people who were helping us that these were our first smart phones.  They were stunned by this admission and asked if we had our old phones—we did.  Jennifer produced her flip phone.  "Whoa!" they yelled in unison.  As they were looking over Jennifer's phone in amazement, I said, "You think that one's old, you really need to see mine."  "Really?" they replied as they looked at me expectantly.  I pulled out my punky dumb phone.  Their reaction was funny and interesting.  The young woman practically squealed and almost wanted to take a picture of it, while the young man looked dumbfounded that I would use a phone that old.

A few moments later, as the young man was putting the screen protectors on our phones, another interesting aspect of our time at the phone case kiosk took place.  The other sales associate, a young woman, said, referring back to our old phones, "I already think my iPhone 6 is old. I can't wait for the iPhone 7 to come out because I'm bored with my phone."  I make my next comment in no way as an indictment of her, but her comment got me thinking about what a fickle, throwaway society we've become.  That which is old is considered of no value and things become old very quickly.  The two workers were shocked because they couldn't believe I would keep my punky phone for so long, but, as I've mentioned, it was serviceable to me for that duration.  Meanwhile, technology companies go out of their way to make just enough changes to their new models (whatever they may be) to make people think they need to have “the newest thing.”  When Apple announces their latest phone, people line up in front of the store to be the first to buy said phone, but six months later those same people are lining up around the Apple store again because they think they need to have the new "newest" phone because they're bored with what used to be the latest and greatest thing.

My thoughts along these lines have now morphed into a gospel topic.  This desire to throw away “the old” and continually chase after “the new” reminds me of the anti-Christs in the Book of Mormon who claimed they didn't believe in the "traditions of their fathers" because those traditions were old.  These same types of people in our modern world would argue that religious traditions are "out of date.”  They would mock belief as boring or they would declare such belief as "old fashioned" and no longer fitting within progressive society.  They would accuse the followers of these "traditions" of being blinded by out of touch old men who claim to be called of God and would wonder how we follow them instead of thinking for ourselves.  They would tell us that revelation is nothing more than hocus-pocus voodoo and we are stupid for clinging to the crazy notion that God “speaks” to us through feelings.  They would attempt to reason away the spiritual with their intellect and proclaim that we are too blinded by emotion to see clearly and rationally about the things we claim to believe.  They would agree with the hardened Ebenezer Scrooge and tell us that our testimonies of the truth God has reveled to us as nothing more than an "undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato" (A Christmas Carol, www.gutenberg.org).

The problem with this approach is that the intellect alone cannot fully understand that which is spiritual.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught: "I have seen some persons attempt to understand or undertake to criticize the gospel or the Church by the method of reason alone, unaccompanied by the use or recognition of revelation. When reason is adopted as the only—or even the principal—method of judging the gospel, the outcome is predetermined. One cannot find God or understand his doctrines and ordinances by closing the door on the means He has prescribed for receiving the truths of his gospel" (Ensign, May 1989, 30).  The Lord specifically told Oliver Cowdrey: "I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost" (D&C 8:2, emphasis added) of the things he was seeking to know.  The Lord further declared "this is the spirit of revelation" (D&C 8:3, emphasis added).  The two (mind and heart; intellect and emotion) work together in harmony and serve as two witnesses to an individual as he or she receives revelation.  But a person who attempts to approach God's revelations using intellect alone or emotion alone will either fail to see the spiritual and reject the gospel as silly or will get caught up in the wave of emotion to the point where he or she might agree to be baptized, but then will quickly reject those feelings when the emotional wave recedes and mundane, ordinary life reasserts itself.  In the parable of the sower, these would be the seeds that fell "by the way side" and the seeds that fell "upon stony places" (Matthew 13:4-5).

I've said this before, but it is our focus that makes all the difference.  The book of Genesis recounts a time of strife between Abram (soon to become Abraham) and his nephew Lot.  They had reached a point where their families and flocks had become too great from them to be in the same place.  Consequently, they decided to separate from each other and Abraham gave Lot first choice as to where he wanted to go.  Lot chose "all the plain of Jordan" (13:11) and went to dwell "in the cities of the plain" but when it came time to set up his tent, Lot "pitched his tent toward Sodom" (13:12).  What is interesting is that eventually, Lot's focus on Sodom led him to finally live "in Sodom" (14:12).  The "natural man [or woman] is an enemy to God" because his or her focus is either inward or on Sodom.  "The world has so much to offer," the natural man would say. "How can I be bothered with that which is spiritual?"  If by chance a "natural" man or woman humbles themselves and turns their focus outward enough to accept the gospel message, the challenge continues to be one of focus.  Will they continue of keep their focus on the Savior and serving others, or will they be like Lot's wife and look "back from behind him" (19:26)?  If they do not fully turn from the cares of the world and "give up the summer cottage in Babylon" (Elder Christofferson, Ensign, Nov. 2008, 39), they would be the ones who Lehi saw partake of the fruit and then turn away from the tree in shame because of the mocking of those in the great and spacious building (see 1 Nephi 8:28).   In the parable of the sower, these would be the seeds that "fell among thorns" (Matthew 13:7).

If we desire to focus on Christ, then we should figuratively do what King Benjamin's people did when they came to hear his benedictory sermon and have our tents "with the door thereof towards the temple" (Mosiah 2:6).  Doing so will continue and deepen the refinement received when we were baptized.  Elder Bednar taught that "the process of taking upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ that is commenced in the waters of baptism is continued and enlarged in the house of the Lord. As we stand in the waters of baptism, we look to the temple. As we partake of the sacrament, we look to the temple. We pledge to always remember the Savior and to keep His commandments as preparation to participate in the sacred ordinances of the temple and receive the highest blessings available through the name and by the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ. Thus, in the ordinances of the holy temple we more completely and fully take upon us the name of Jesus Christ" (Ensign, May 2009, 98).  Keeping our focus on Christ through weekly partaking of the sacrament and attending the temple as often as possible will strengthen our foundation on the rock of Christ.  As Bishop Waddell assured us in his recent conference talk, "Each time we attend the temple—in all that we hear, do, and say; in every ordinance in which we participate; and in every covenant that we make—we are pointed to Jesus Christ" (Ensign, May 2016, 91).

If our focus remains in the right place—if we keep ourselves pointed toward Christ—and remain pointed in that direction for the duration of our life, then we will be like the seeds that “fell into good ground and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold” (Matthew 13:8).  By so doing, our willingness to stay with the "tried and true" precepts of our Father in Heaven will overcome any inkling of the constant chase after that which is "shiny and new."  The end result will be the opportunity, as King Benjamin taught, to "dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness" (Mosiah 2:41).

Saying "Goodbye" to My Trusty Steed

My Civic died yesterday as I was coming home from work.  This is the only picture I have of it, taken after the huge snow storm we had back in December of 2008.  Sadly, it has gone to the great Honda dealership in the sky.  I was traveling up the last portion of the Cajon Pass when the beginning of the end took place.  About a mile earlier as I started my push up the final portion of the hill, the engine didn't sound right and I moved over to the slower lanes.  Not long after I did that, the Civic lurched forward and the engine started making a knocking sound—not good.  I pulled off the side of the road and popped the hood to see if there was any visual evidence of problems but I'm no mechanic and this was more of an effort in futility than anything else.  I don't know what I expected to see (not that I would have known what to do if I did see anything).  In the end, there was nothing visibly wrong.

Not knowing what else to do, I decided to try to make it home.  To accommodate this, I chose to drive slower.  I merged back onto the freeway and set my cruise control for 60.  I know this probably wasn't the best idea, but I did it anyway.  As I was passing the new Ranchero Road exit, the Civic lurched again and this time the noise from the engine was bad.  Before I could slow down, my oil pressure light popped on and then my engine light came on and then my dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree.  Like I said, I'm no mechanic, but my best guess is that I threw a piston rod and it shot through some part of my engine like Teancum dealing with Amalickiah (how's that for a visual?).  With a hole ripped through its "heart," my Civic began spilling oil and with nothing to lubricate the engine parts, everything came to a grinding halt.  By the time I got myself off the road again, there was smoke coming out of hood and I was stuck.  AAA towed me home.  Once home, I had the tow truck guy park the Civic on the rocks near the driveway.  I'm planning to sell it to a pick and pull place and see if I can get some money out of it.

I called one of my supervisors that night and told him I would be spending Wednesday car shopping.  Jennifer had a substitute job, but I found out that Nick Martinez was off that day (he actually saw the Civic getting loaded on to the tow truck and thought, "That looks like Chris' car.").  I asked him if he would be interested in going with me and he said he would.  Jen thought (I did too, but she'd want me to say this was her idea ☺) that it would be good to have someone with me (an unemotionally attached person) to keep me grounded.  Turns out, Nick was the best man for the job (more on that in a moment).

Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, I looked on the Internet, pricing new and used vehicles and trying to decide what would be my best option.  By the time Nick came to pick me up at around 10, I had narrowed my choices down to either a Hyundai (like Jen's) or a KIA.  Of those two, however, I was leaning more toward the KIA.  I remembered our big back East trip in the Optima and how I really liked that car.  I would have loved to go for an Optima, but it was a bit too pricey, so I was leaning heavily toward the Forte.  Nick asked me where I wanted to go and I told him the two options, but I also said that I liked the Forte.  "Okay, we'll go to KIA first," he replied.

When we walked through the door, we were met by Oscar, who became the salesman I worked with.  Here is where having Nick with me started working in my favor.  Turns out Oscar was originally from: New York City.  Once that was established, he and Nick started swapping stories about NYC.  Later on, I was introduced to the floor manager, Louie, who was originally from: New York City.  Once again, he and Nick hit it off immediately.  Oscar showed me the "base" model Forte that was in the showroom.  It was nice, but I wanted some extras like cruise control and other things.  He then took me over to a used Forte that was a "full package" model.  This was another moment when Nick's presence was good because after Oscar showed me all the "goodies" included in the car, I was starting to think, "Yeah, this might be what I want."  Oscar had to leave for a minute and Nick got in the passenger’s seat and said, "Okay, this car does have some great extra features, but you should ask yourself, 'Do I need all this stuff?'"  It was a great comment because it brought me back down to earth.  The car was silver and I really didn't want another silver car and the interior was black and I didn't want that either because of how hot the inside could become.  When Oscar returned, I declined that car.

After nearly losing my head, I became pickier.  Oscar showed me a used Soul (that boxy looking car that the rodents drive in the commercial), but I didn't like the color (alien green) or the "trunk" space (the Soul doesn't really have a trunk).  He showed me another silver Forte and asked if I'd be interested in white (no and no).  There was one car that had what looked like a gray paint job that intrigued me, but what I thought was gray turned out to be this funky blue color (no on that one).  Then he showed me a black model with gray interior—now we're talking.  The first one he showed me was the full package model and I wasn't interested (too expensive), but then he tracked down a mid-range model and let me take it for a test drive.  That sold me.  As I drove it, I was reminded of how much I liked the Optima.  The seats are comfy.  I have a cd player (the Civic only had a tape deck).  It has cruise control and other "hands free" features.  It has a back-up camera and other nice little options.  Isaac says that I've now arrived in the 21st century.☺

When it came time to negotiate payment, Nick and his NYC connections with Oscar and Louie (as well as his New York negotiating style) were perfect.  I basically sat back and let him do the talking for me.  He was completely in his element.  After about 30 minutes of back and forth, Louie came back to show me the different options they could do for me.  Nick asked if we could have a moment to talk it over and they left us alone.  Nick and I went over the options.  When I picked the one I thought was best and Nick agreed with me, I felt good about the entire deal.  I was hoping the Civic would last longer, but when I consider that I put nearly 300,000 miles on the car and had it for 12 of its 15 years, I'd say I got my money's worth out of it.  So now I have a new trusty steed.  I hope our relationship is a least as long lasting as the steed it has replaced.

Building Upon a Rock

I read an article in the Ensign today by Elder Donald L. Hallstrom of the Presidency of the Seventy that had to do with our spiritual foundation.  His article began by talking about the foundation of the Philadelphia Pennsylvania Temple and how the “concrete footings and foundations [of the temple are] tied to ... granite bedrock with rock anchors to resist even torrential wind and powerful groundwater. The anchors were drilled 50 to 175 feet (15 to 53 m) into the granite and tensioned at 250,000 pounds per square inch (17,577 kg per square cm). The anchors are spaced 15 feet (4.5 m) apart in both directions” (Ensign, Apr. 2016, 58).  He then goes on to talk about how important it is to build our spiritual foundation on the Savior that is as solid as that for the temple in Philadelphia.  Our spiritual foundation begins when we gain our own testimony of the gospel.

While there is nothing wrong with relying on the teacher or parent or friend or leader for a period of time, their light will only sustain us for so long.  I learned this truth when I received my mission call and realized that I had no true testimony of my own and set about to correct that situation.  The answer to my question of “What do I do?” was to read the Book of Mormon.  After I did so and received a spiritual confirmation to my sincere prayer of “Is it true?” I then came to realize that to spiritually stand on our own, we must receive a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel that is uniquely our own.  President Lorenzo Snow taught:  “Every man has got to learn to stand upon his own knowledge; he cannot depend upon his neighbor ... and he approaches to God and increases in his faith in proportion as he is diligent” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow, [2012], 64-65).  A plant receiving secondary light instead of direct sunlight may grow, but it will be weak and malnourished and will eventually wither and die without the proper nutrients.

Once we have gained a testimony, another trap we can fall into was expressed by Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson in her recent conference address when she said: “It is possible for us to merely go through the motions of living the gospel because it is expected or because it is the culture in which we have grown up or because it is a habit” (Ensign, May 2016, 88).  If gaining a testimony is nothing more than a check mark on our supposed list of spiritual things to do in order to gain the Celestial Kingdom, then we have completely missed the point.  Elder Marvin J. Ashton put it this way: “We are sorry to observe that some, having received a testimony, feel and respond as if they had arrived. What a sad day in the life of any individual when he fails to use this knowledge and conviction of a testimony for dedicated and continued service. ...  A testimony is not a destination; it is a possession for performance” ("What Is Your Destination?" General Conference, April 1972, emphasis added).

A way I could personalized this is to mention a vacation my family took back in 2007.  I wanted to take my family to Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico because I had gone there on vacation with my family when I was younger.  I had enjoyed my time there and wanted to share that experience with my wife and sons.  In my planning, I noticed that White Sands National Monument was along our way, so I decided we could stop there as well.  Once we arrived at White Sands, Ben and Isaac had a great time sliding down the dunes on their stomachs and Jennifer fell in love with the place.  She enjoyed how peaceful it was there and ended up taking off her shoes and walking along the dunes for about an hour.  If we had decided that nothing could top our experience at White Sands and we'd returned home, we would have missed our ultimate destination and the continued enjoyment and family memories we had at Carlsbad Caverns (so much that we plan to return to both places this year).

Just like stopping our vacation at White Sands would have stunted our experiences with this beautiful world that has been created for us, stopping at the beginning of a testimony and failing to press forward would keep us from experiencing the beautiful expansion that can come because of our continued effort; doing so would also hold us back from obtaining the full benefits of what our testimony can truly do for us.  Our testimony truly begins to work in our favor and becomes a possession for performance when we make it “the foundation upon which conversion is established” (David A. Bednar, Ensign, Nov. 2012, 108).

The word convert is Latin in origin; the root word means “to turn around, transform”.  The process of conversion is not something that takes place all at once.  It does not turn or transform us instantly, but follows the pattern Nephi set forth when he explained how God gives unto “the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little” (2 Nephi 28:30).  While there may be times when strong spiritual experiences move us along the strait and narrow path faster than expected, the conversion process is a series of incremental (at times almost imperceptible) steps toward the Savior and our Father in Heaven.  “Conversion unto the Lord requires both persistence and patience,” declared Elder Bednar; but as we put forth the required effort to align “our motives, our thoughts, our words, and our deeds ...  with the will of God” we will find ourselves more in tune with Him then with the world (Ensign, Nov. 2012, 108).

I have written in previous posts how the sacrament helps to remind us of our willingness to keep the gospel covenants we have made with the Savior and our Heavenly Father and then how the sacrament is designed to put that willingness in to action by doing what we have recommitted to do.  Transforming our willingness into action develops our testimony of the enabling power of Christ’s atonement in our lives.  The more we do His works, the greater we become “converted unto the Lord” (Alma 23:8) through a continual “offering of self, of love, and of loyalty ... to God in gratitude for the gift of testimony” (Bednar, Ensign, Nov. 2012, 107).

As our testimony becomes a “possession for performance,” our capacity to do the works of Jesus increases which, in turn, deepens our testimony as we become “brighter and brighter until the perfect day” (D&C 50:24).  As Elder Hallstrom stated, “It needs to be more than what we sometimes think or even what we sometimes feel—it must become who we are. Our connection with God the Father and His eternal plan, and with Jesus Christ, His Son and our Rock, needs to be so firmly established that it truly becomes the cornerstone of our foundation” (Ensign, Apr. 2016, 60, emphasis in original).

Testimony and conversion work in harmony as we journey along the strait and narrow path toward our ultimate destination.  A concluding thought from Elder Bednar: “Knowing that the gospel is true is the essence of a testimony. Consistently being true to the gospel is the essence of conversion. We should know the gospel is true and be true to the gospel” (Ensign, Nov, 2012, 109).  Endurance along the strait and narrow path Jesus has blazed for us will bring baptism, confirmation, the gift of the Holy Ghost, priesthood, temple ordinances, conviction, humility, repentance, submissiveness, and many other blessings into our lives, but these are only events along the way not the end of our journey. “What is your destination?” Elder Ashton asked. “I humbly pray our Heavenly Father to help each one of us realize it is eternal life, exaltation in our Father’s kingdom. . . . [T]he gift of salvation is possible through . . . the gospel of Jesus Christ, as we continue faithful” (“What Is Your Destination?”, General Conference, April 1972, lds.org, emphasis added).

Preparing a Sacrament Meeting Talk: (Part 2) - Things to Do

Yesterday, I posted things to avoid at the beginning of a Sacrament meeting talk.  Today's post focuses on great ways to begin a talk (which have then helped me to sustain my momentum to the end).  I also have added a few additional tips at the conclusion of the post.

* * * * *

Great Ways to Begin a Talk & Other Suggestions

For me, the best examples I can think of to help in giving suggestions of how to begin a talk are found in addresses given in General Conference.  Since it is the most recent one as I write this post, here are 5 examples from the April 2016 Conference:

1. Personal Story – Elder Gary E. Stevenson opened his talk about Priesthood keys by telling a personal story about a time when he lost his car keys and couldn’t immediately get his family into the car to begin the drive home and to get warm after a day of skiing.  Using that story as a framework, he then explained the importance of priesthood keys, what they are, which keys have been restored to the Church and how they bless our lives today.

2. Personal Story of Someone Else – Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson began with the personal story of Michele Carnesecca whose 2-year-old son, Ethan, was being transported by helicopter to Primary Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake City.  As she saw the Draper, Jordan River, Oquirrh Mountain, and Salt Lake City Temples from her vantage point in the air, the question, “Do you believe it?” came into her mind.  With this story as a backdrop, Sister Oscarson then discussed the knowledge the gospel offers us and asked her listeners the same question, “Do you believe it?”  A word of caution: If you are going to use someone else’s story, be sure it is authentic.  There are plenty of Internet tales that may bring a tear to someone’s eye, but are a reworking of a once true story or they are an “urban legend.”  In the footnotes for Sister Oscarson’s talk you’ll notice the statement “personal journal entry shared with Bonnie L. Oscarson.”  Near the end of his talk, Elder Christofferson related the personal story of someone else that came from “Julian Dyke, ‘Thanks, Dad,’ New Era, Apr. 1993, 38.”  Be sure you can authenticate the source of your story.  Don’t include a “viral” Facebook post in your talk that may not be completely true or is a fictional story passing as a true story.

3. Comparative Analogy – Elder Dale G. Renlund began with an analogy given to him by Elder Wilford W. Andersen as they discussed how to help people in poverty: “The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver, the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement.”  He then used the concept offered by that analogy to discuss our relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and discussed how the sacrament assists us to remain close to Them.  Another great analogy is used by President Uchtdorf in his Sunday morning talk as he told about the rebuilding of the famous Lutheran church in the city of Dresden, Germany.

4. Introducing the Message – In yesterday's “avoid” post, I mentioned that it is usually not a good idea to declare the subject of your talk in the first line, but it can be done effectively.  Elder Christofferson’s first sentence in his conference talk is: “I speak today of fathers” (see link above).  When I heard an apostle start his talk in that manner, being a father, I found myself sitting forward and paying closer attention to what he had to say.  Like it or not, we lay members don’t have the same punch as an apostle, so when we start off a talk by saying, “I was assigned to speak on ______,” as I said in yesterday's post, it may have the opposite effect.  However, Elder David A. Bednar has a way of consistently introducing his subject that may be instructional to those of us who want to tell the congregation their subject matter right at the beginning.  Instead of hitting his listeners between the eyes with his subject, he introduces it.  In his latest address, he first discussed how a specific phrase from King Benjamin’s final speech to the Nephites has been “a recurring topic of my study and pondering for many years.”  After focusing on that phrase, he then stated: “My message focuses upon the principle of always retaining a remission of our sins.”  He spent the remainder of his talk explaining what he has learned about that phrase.  While there have been times when Elder Bednar has stated his “purpose” right at the beginning on occasion, he usually sets up his topic first before actually introducing his topic.

5. Appropriate Use of Humor – I also warned in yesterday's post that it is not a good idea to tell a joke for the sake of being funny.  This does not mean, however, that using humor to begin a talk is a bad idea.  If humor is used to move the congregation toward the topic of your talk, then it can be very helpful.  A great example of this concept is found in the talk given by Elder Gerrit W. Gong.  He began by mentioning that he served in the Asia area and how he would be asked how many people live in that area. “Half the world’s population—3.6 billion people,” he replied.  He was then asked, “Is it hard to remember all their names?”  He then told a funny story about his wife forgetting her cell phone.  Using these humorous stories about remembering and forgetting as his framework, he went on to discuss six ways we can always remember the Savior after partaking the sacrament.  In addition to using it at the beginning of a talk, humor can be used in the body of your talk, but don’t force it.  In his priesthood session address as he talked about single men looking for “the perfect woman,” President Uchtdorf said: “My beloved brethren, may I remind you, if there were a perfect woman, do you really think she would be that interested in you?”  He later made some funny comments about “awkwardness” in families.  His comments were amusing, but they were not out of place nor did they distract from the Spirit; they came naturally as part of his talk.  If humor is forced or off topic, then it distracts rather than enhances your comments.

Additional Tips

Keep your beginning concise – Don’t spend so much time setting up your topic that you have no time left to discuss the “heart” of what you have learned.

A good rule to follow – Tell them what you’re going to tell them; tell them; and then tell them what you told them (just in a different way then you began).

Keep your topic focused – some principles are very large in scope, narrow it down to a specific idea or your talk will become too broad.  If you don't, you’ll be trying to make too many points and you may go overtime with your talk and not leave enough time for the final speaker or run past the dismissal time.  The first does a disservice to the time and effort put in by the concluding speaker; the second will definitely cause the congregation to tune you out as they shift in their seats and wonder when you plan to finish.

Time your talk – in conjunction with the above suggestion, read through your talk a couple of times beforehand to see how long it will take to present it, this will help give you an idea if cuts need to be made to ensure that the others speaking with you have plenty of time to deliver their talks as well.

Identify parts you can cut it you need to – sometimes (especially if you’re the final speaker) you may not have the time you thought you would.  If you know beforehand what you can cut from your talk prior to beginning then you won’t find yourself stammering and flustered as you try to do it while standing at the pulpit.

Finish strong – bear your testimony of the truths you have learned and taught.

Remember – breathe, make occasional eye contact, and don’t worry about being nervous.  No matter how polished the speaker may seem, he or she is fighting nervousness; it's natural--the true trick is how a person deals with it.

If you have prepared well, there is no need to fear – If you have prepared well and sought for the guidance of the Spirit, the Lord will bless your words and accept your effort.

Those are my tips of things to avoid and to do while giving a sacrament meeting talk.  It is by no means a comprehensive list—there are plenty more things that could be mentioned.  As I said, these are things I have noticed from conference speakers and have tried to employ to improve my own talks.  If they are helpful to someone, then I am happy I've posted them.

Preparing a Sacrament Meeting Talk: (Part 1) - Things to Avoid

I know I am not the first person to do something like this and neither will I be the last, but it was my month for mutual activities and as I was thinking about what to do, I felt inspired to give the young men some pointers about writing and presenting Sacrament meeting talks.  Since many LDS members are not used to speaking to groups of people, they sometimes tumble into certain common pitfalls at the beginning of their talks that are addressed in this clip from a comedy routine.

The beginning of a talk is so important to setting the tone for what is to follow.  I felt impressed to help the young men understand why these pitfalls should be avoided and then used clips of the beginning of several recent conference talks as examples of the proper way to begin a Sacrament talk.  By no means do I think I am some know-it-all about giving a good Sacrament meeting talk, but I have observed a few things over the years that I have used to improve my own talks.  They have worked for me, so I don't see why they wouldn't work for someone else.  I offer my suggestions in two parts: 1) things to avoid and 2) things to do.

* * * * *

How to Begin Your Preparation

Pray; taking your assignment to the Lord and asking for His guidance is the best way to begin.

Ponder your topic and write down any prompting that the Holy Ghost gives to you.  You’ve asked the Lord to assist you; don’t ignore His guidance when it comes into your mind.

Looking up scriptural references relating to your topic helps you to gain a better understanding of the topic and gives you verses you can use to strengthen your points.

Look for articles relating to your topic in Church magazines (New Era, Ensign) and Conference issues.  If you find quotations from the General Authorities that may strengthen the points you are making, don’t be afraid to use them, just be sure to give proper credit.

Write out your talk fully or write an outline or use note cards to keep yourself on topic and to stay on point—this will reduce or eliminate the, “um, yeah,” moments.

Don’t wait until the last minute; otherwise you’ll have plenty of reason to feel nervous!

One of the keys to giving a good talk is how you begin.  This is the moment where you engage the members of the congregation and pull them into your topic.  Here are some things to avoid.

Common Pitfalls or Clichés: Avoid Them

1. The Reintroduction – After the sacrament has been passed, the member of the bishopric who is conducting the meeting will stand and introduce the speakers in the order they will be speaking.  There really is no reason for you to reintroduce yourself to begin your talk.  As for the small percentage of people in the congregation who may not know who you are, they can always consult the ward bulletin if they've forgotten your name.

2. “I’ve been assigned to talk about ____.” – Another common trap people fall into is to immediately introduce their subject in their first sentence.  While there are times when doing this can work (an example will be given shortly), but those times are usually few.  The problem with immediately introducing your subject is that it allows the congregation members to quickly decide whether or not they will tune you out.  If they hear, “my talk is on tithing,” they might think, “Again?  I just heard a lesson on tithing from the bishop a month ago.”  If you begin your talk in such a way that the congregation members have to pay attention to figure out what your subject is, by the time they realize, “Oh, he’s talking about tithing,” you have hopefully engaged them so they will stick with you instead of tuning you out.

3. “If you see Bro. ____ in the foyer, run the other way” (or other variations on this theme) – We have all experienced the bishopric member come up to us in the foyer or call us on the phone or show up at our doorstep and ask us to speak in sacrament meeting, but starting off a talk by mentioning his approach has been done so often to have made the “story” a cliché.  While there are times when an assignment may be given on a spur of the moment,  we may also be diminishing the proper process that has occurred prior to our being asked.  The ward council has met with the bishopric and talked about topics to be addressed in sacrament meeting.  When those topics have been discussed, then the spirit is sought for help in identifying someone in the ward that the Lord would have speak on that subject.  The bishopric member then assigns the talks to the members.  Mentioning how Brother ____ tracked you down may seem like a funny story, but it also deflects from the fact that you were assigned by the Lord through His ward servants to give the talk and it does a disservice to the process.

4. Punching the time card – In connection with #3 is punching the time card, which goes something like this: “Bishop or Brother ____ asked me to speak two days ago.”  While there may be times when the bishopric accidentally doesn’t assign you the talk until there is only a little time left to prepare, there may be other reasons why you were asked so late.  Perhaps the original speaker had an unexpected illness or personal situation that caused him or her to cancel and you were chosen as an immediate back-up.  You may not be told why you are being asked so late in the week (or perhaps you will), but by mentioning it at the beginning of your talk (even without intending to) you are potentially embarrassing the person who assigned you and alerting the congregation, “If my talk is really bad, it’s his fault.”  Or, without intending to, you could be perceived as puffing yourself up by implying, “If my talk is good, then isn’t it great that I can pull all this together on such short notice.”  Either way, the possible perception shown by this introduction isn’t meaningful or necessary.  It’s better to just stand at the podium and give it your all.

5. “This talk is more for me then for you.” – Sometimes this sentence is used in the beginning of a talk; sometimes it comes at the end.  Either way, it also isn’t necessary.  When you study a particular gospel topic (or any topic, secular or spiritual), you gain a greater knowledge and appreciation for that topic.  Saying this to the congregation, however, makes it seem as though you were given the opportunity to speak on this particular subject for your edification alone.  If you sought the Spirit to prepare and deliver your talk and if the members of the congregation seek the Spirit to listen to what you have prepared, then, as the Doctrine and Covenants, states, “he that preacheth and he that receiveth, understand one another, and both are edified and rejoice together” (50:22, emphasis added).  In other words, your talk is for you and the congregation.  Saying you got more out of your talk then they will (or did), could possibly cause someone to either tune you out as you begin or disregard everything you just said.

6. Telling a joke for the sake of being “funny” – Humor can be used as a way of breaking the ice and appropriately focusing the congregation on your subject (more on this in the next post), but if you tell a joke for the sake of telling a joke, you may lose your audience rather than bring them to your subject.  The other trap is telling one joke and getting people to laugh and then suddenly feeling, “Wow, they liked that one, I’ll try another one!”  Before you know it, you’ve done a comedy routine that may have had the congregation laughing, but everything you’ve done has glorified you, not God.  Be very careful with humor.

7. Reading an entire Conference talk or magazine article – Sometimes when you are assigned a talk, you will be given a Conference talk (or an Ensign or New Era article) to help you with the topic you have been assigned.  If you decide to do nothing more than read the “help talk” word for word from the pulpit, then all you are doing is retelling the congregation what Elder or Sister _____ had to say.  The congregation wants to know what you learned through study and the promptings of the Holy Ghost, not listen to you reread someone else’s words.

This ends the avoid section.  In the next post, I'll offers tips on what to do while preparing your talk.

Importance of Prophets

Jennifer and I had the opportunity to attend the temple the Friday night before General Conference.  During the session, I was once again reminded of the importance of  the messengers God has sent to teach us His gospel.  In my opinion, this knowledge is becoming more and more needed as we hurtle toward the Lord's Second Coming.  I also find it interesting that I've noticed this more in the Book of Mormon as I've read it this time around.  One instance that I hadn't really noticed before was when Amlici challenged the new judge-led government.  While Alma the Younger was the chief judge, he was also the prophet.  He caused the people to pray "mightily to him that he would deliver them out of the hands of their enemies" and led them into battle against Amlici and his followers (see Alma 2).

Amilci and those who aligned themselves with him were Nephites.  These were not Lamanites who had been taught all their lives to hate everything the Nephites stood for and to do everything they could to destroy them.  The Amlicites were people who enjoyed the blessings of the freedoms that the government gave to them.  But even though they prospered and flourished under this system, they felt the need to oppose the tremendous opportunity king Mosiah had given them and strive to impose their own will, their own ideas, and their own thinking to a process that had been ratified by the people.  Over the last several conferences, a small group of people have continued to call out "opposed" during the sustaining of President Monson, his counselors, and the apostles.  I have read comments from people on other blogs and various websites who seem to think this disruption is caused by non-members who sneak into conference and yell out during the sustaining votes.  I suppose that may be true, but when I think about this Book of Mormon story I am honestly left to wonder about the validity of that notion.

Elder Oaks reminded us that there is no such thing as the "loyal opposition," by stating: "However appropriate for a democracy, there is no warrant for this concept in the government of God’s kingdom, where questions are honored but opposition is not (see Matthew 26:24)" (Ensign, May 2016, 117).  While I do believe that those who are not members of the Church and those who are former members of the Church will continue to strive to disrupt the gospel from moving forward in any way they can, I also believe that current members will also oppose the things our leaders do and say.

Last week, Isaac, Jennifer and I were able to attend a talk given by Elder Oaks at Claremont Graduate University.  His talk was based on the question: “What does it mean to be religious and free in the 21st century?”  I thought it was a very well thought out, articulate answer to the question and I was very glad we decided to make the trip.  The next day, I saw an article about the talk posted to a website and was dumbfounded to read the comments of a person who claimed to have read the talk and found Elder Oaks comments to be "wrong."  He then used quotes from President Benson to back up his claims. 

From what he was saying, it didn't appear that he was really there at the college to hear the address, but was claiming to have read a transcript of the talk.  However, none of what he said seemed to even be on point.  I kept thinking, "I was there and heard the talk delivered live and I don't recall Elder Oaks saying the things this guy claims."  Maybe he was a non-member, but I had to wonder why a non-member would use the words of former prophet to supposedly show how wrong the statements of a current apostle were.  But whether the guy was a member or non-member, this is definitely what Satan does; he tries to get us to think that the words of current prophets are wrong or to think that our leaders are too old and infirm to properly lead us or to believe that they are "out of touch" with modern day society.

All of these notions are completely false.  If we truly desire to return to the presence of our Father in Heaven, then we need to stay with the prophet at all times; not just when it suits us.  As Elder Waddell mentioned in his recent conference talk, "Our commitment to the Lord and His servants cannot be a part-time commitment” (Ensign, May 2016, 92).  We need to know of a surety that our leaders are true messengers (despite their human weaknesses) and stand by them at the tree of life (as with Lehi) and continually partake of the fruit.

Conference Thoughts - April 2016

I've neglected my blog for a while now. L  The funny thing is that I have prepared posts, I just haven't posted them.  Can't say why, exactly; just haven't.  I guess I've allowed other things to occupy my time or get in my way.

So, I’m going to just start posting; not all at once, but a few at a time.  I’ll begin where I left off, with my look back on April Conference.  As has become common, Elders Bednar, Holland, and Renlund made it onto my list for this conference—Elder Bednar’s talk about how we can strive to always retain a remission of our sins was amazing; Elder Renlund used one of my favorite Book of Mormon verses to discuss how we can come unto Christ without feeling entitled; and Elder Holland’s concluding address was wonderful reminder that “the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed.”  However, that is as much as I will recap their addresses.  This time I’m going to touch on four talks from speakers other than these brethren that made an impact on me.

"Where Are the Keys and Authority of the Priesthood?" – Elder Gary E. Stevenson: This was Elder Stevenson’s first full address as an apostle.  I liked the way he began his remarks with a personal story of misplacing his keys during a family skiing outing and then using that story to highlight that the keys of the Priesthood are found in the Church.  I also liked his focus on the appearance of Moses, Elias and Elijah in the Kirtland Temple and the importance of the priesthood keys of missionary work, the Abrahamic covenant, and the sealing power which caused the priesthood keys “of this dispensation [to be] committed in [the] hands” of the Prophet Joseph Smith.  Those same priesthood keys are now “safely in the possession of prophets, seers, and revelators. They are conferred, delegated, and assigned to others in accordance with the Lord’s will, under the direction of the President of the Church.” (full talk)

“Do I Believe?” – Bonnie L. Oscarson: A few years ago, Sister Oscarson gave a talk that centered on becoming converted to the gospel; this time, she focuses on believing the things we have been converted to.  “Do we sometimes become so accustomed to the blessings we have been given as members … that we fail to fully comprehend the miracle and majesty of discipleship in the Lord’s true Church?”  After listing things that we claim and believe as Church members (ordinances, priesthood authority, prophets: to name a few), she then asked the question, “We have a knowledge of these things, but do we believe them?”  At the end of her talk, she focused on Lehi’s dream, specifically, those who partake of the fruit and then turn away from the tree in shame.  “We need only to keep feasting and not heed those who would make fun of our beliefs or those who delight to create doubts or those who find fault with Church leaders and doctrine.”  This was a reminder to me of how important it is to not only become converted to the gospel but to daily strive to continuously strengthen my belief in the things I’ve become converted to. (full talk)

“A Pattern for Peace” – Bishop W. Christopher Waddell: Bishop Waddell offered D&C 19:23 as a pattern to find peace in Jesus Christ (learn, listen and walk).  As he talked about “listen,” he also turned to Lehi’s dream and focused on the two groups who had partaken of the fruit.  His focus deepened what Sister Oscarson had already mentioned in that he discussed as he stated, “A key difference between those who were ashamed … and those who did not heed the mocking from the building … is found in two phrases: first, ‘after they had tasted,’ and second, ‘those that were partaking.’”  If we desire to be a part of the group that does not heed the mocking and dissenting voices, then we will take our cue from the group who continuously partook of the fruit after first tasting it. “These individuals ignored the commotion from the building, stood by the prophet, and enjoyed the accompanying safety and peace. Our commitment to the Lord and His servants cannot be a part-time commitment.”  This was a reminder to me that as the dissenting voices become louder and more insistent, as long as my focus is one the tree, I will more easily be able to “heed them not.” (full talk)

“See Yourself in the Temple” – Elder Quentin L. Cook: Because I have been teaching the temple preparation classes for so long, about halfway into this talk, I turned to Jennifer and said, “It’s as if Elder Cook is summarizing all of the lessons.”  Almost everything he said after talking about how the members in Thailand were so excited about the announcement of a temple in Bangkok, seemed to come from the various temple prep lessons.  He said: “My challenge this morning is for each of us, wherever we live, to see ourselves in the temple.”  The blessings of the temple are so important in these latter days.  Temple attendance is another way to consistently partake of the fruit of the tree and stay near to the love of God.  If we strive to make the “harder right” choices as President Monson talked about, we will be worthy to enter the house of the Lord and receive the blessings He has in store for us there.  Elder Cook also remarked: “Please know how earnestly we desire that everyone make any necessary changes to qualify for the temple.” (full talk)

Quick Hits: Isaac mentioned how cool it was that President Monson could give such powerful messages in just 5 minutes or less (here and here) and I'd have to agree.  I don't know how much longer the Lord will allow him to tarry with us, but like last conference, I noticed that his talk served as the center point of many of the other talks given throughout the conference.  During the sustaining, I noted that W. Mark Bassett, the Area Seventy who accompanied Elder Johnson and helped reorganize our stake presidency, was called as a General Authority Seventy.  I had to chuckle at that.  This is the second time that an Area Authority Seventy has attended our stake conference and then been called as a General Authority Seventy about a month later.  The first one to have this happen was Elder (now Bishop) Waddell.  If this keeps up, our stake may begin to get a reputation. J