An Amazing Weekend

Stock photo from lds.org

Today was the culmination of an amazing weekend.  Our ward had 8 confirmations to start our Sacrament meeting as 8 of the 9 people baptized on Friday and Saturday were confirmed members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and given the gift of the Holy Ghost.  This has been an amazing journey.  The Elders (Keller & Bowman, Stephens & Boss) have been working very hard to prepare these people for baptism, but it hasn’t just been their efforts alone in this process.  The members of our ward have been stepping up and assisting in very meaningful ways as well.  It’s been great to have my weekly meeting with the Elders and learn that not only are the assigned brethren showing up for the weekly team-up, but that both brothers and sisters of the ward have been stepping up to assist in teaching at times other than Tuesday.  With Ben going through his pain management program and he and Jennifer being gone until after 7 on those three days during the week, I haven’t been able to go out with the Elders when they’ve called.  I’ve felt bad, but they’ve understood.  I come home, have to put dinner together, race over to the school to pick up Isaac and Xavier from football practice, drop Xavier off and return home either just ahead or right behind Jennifer and Ben.  It appears, however, that other members have gone in my place when the Elders have asked and that has been wonderful.

I was able to conduct the baptismal service held Friday night, but there was a moment when I wasn’t sure if this would actually happen.  I had brought church clothes to work, planning to change just before I left for the day, but some last minute work projects made me run a bit past the time I had planned to leave; I had no time to change and then realized I needed to get gas before I got on the freeway L.  I was able to leave a half hour early from work in the hopes that I would be able to make the 5 p.m. start time for the baptisms.  The last several Friday’s traffic has been good, not great, but with minimal slowdowns.  Not so on this Friday.  By the time I reached the 210/15 split, traffic ground to a 25 mph crawl.  Oh, the humanity!

I called Jennifer to let her know what has happening.  My commute became a slow motion nightmare as I watched the clock on my dashboard move closer to 5 o’clock and realized I wasn’t going to make the meeting on time.  Just as I was about to call Jennifer again, she called me.  By this time, traffic had finally loosened to a point where I was traveling at almost normal speeds.  My prospects of arriving on time, however, were non-existent.  I knew I was going to be 15 to 20 minutes late.  When I finally pulled into the parking lot of the church building, I learned that others who were going to be part of the program had also been caught in the traffic mess coming up the pass.  Also, the Rodriguez family, who were scheduled to be baptized that day, had been experiencing problems with their van and the Elders weren’t sure if they were going to make it or not—they didn’t, but were baptized the next day.  I’m grateful that Keyon and Lashele Ward, Suse Bissonnette and those in attendance weren’t upset we started 30 minutes late.  The service was good; the Spirit was there in abundance; and everything turned out very well. J

One of the bonuses of the baptisms was their location.  Elder Stephens & Boss were having a difficult time securing a site because of either preparations for or plans surrounding the Women’s Conference broadcast on Saturday.  Finally, they had to turn to the Hesperia Stake and found the Hickory building to be available.  I served in Hesperia during my mission.  One of the wards my companionship was assigned to (I don’t recall which at the moment) met in the Hickory building.  I might possibly have entered that ward building once not long after my mission, but if not, I hadn’t been inside the building since I was transferred from Hesperia to Mira Loma.  The memories were thick in that room for me.

After the service, I was standing in the hallway and had a moment when I almost expected a younger version of myself, wearing a black, lightly pinstriped Mr. Mac suit, to appear around the opposite corner and come walking down the corridor.  What would I have said to him?  I wouldn’t have wanted to disrupt the space-time continuum and give out too much information.  Still, I could see the me of today telling my missionary self to not let go of the gospel because of the wonderful blessings that would come later on if I remained faithful.  Those blessings, like the one experienced today, would help to shape who I am today and continue to mold who I want to become in the future. J

“What the What?”

I had an interesting revelation today.  No, it wasn’t an earth-shattering spiritual blowout or anything of that nature; just an unexpected piece of information offered to me.  Gumball and Penny have been a part of our family for over a month now.  We have really enjoyed having them.  I had forgotten how much I liked having a cat who would sit with me and allow me to pet him or her without wanting to tear the flesh from my hands.  I haven’t made any goofy cat videos, but they’ve been hilarious to watch as they run around the house and play with one another.  At times, one will run to one side of a door and the other will remain on the other side and they will then attack each other’s feet under the door.  Anyway, I’m getting off the subject.  Gumball was sitting with me and I was giving him a tummy rub when it suddenly dawned on me that … well, he isn’t a he; he’s a she.  I suppose I’ve had an inkling about the possibility of a difference in gender for a week or so, but I haven’t really pursued the suspicion until this evening.  Instead of a brother and sister combo, we’ve got a sister and sister tandem.  We’ll stick with the name Gumball.  We’ve used it for too long to change midstream.  Not that this is some sort of epic revelation.  Kingdoms will not rise and fall and the earth will continue to spin on its axis, but when I first introduced our new furry friends in this post, I called them a boy and girl because that was what we had been told.  Now no one will be confused if I call them both “she” from this time forth … hopefully. J

Tithes and Offerings (Lesson 32)

In Genesis, we read of the time when the Lord renewed with Jacob the covenant previously made with his grandfather, Abraham.  In response, Jacob “vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go ... then shall the Lord be my God: And … of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee” (Genesis 28:20-22, emphasis added).  Years earlier, Abraham had willingly contributed of his substance to the Lord.  Upon returning “from the slaughter of the kings” (Hebrews 7:1), he met “Melchizedek, king of Salem” (Genesis 14:18), the great high priest, and to “this same Melchizedek ... Abraham paid tithes of one-tenth part of all he possessed” (Alma 13:15, emphasis added).  From these scriptural accounts, we learn that the law of tithing is not new.  It was a commandment practiced during the time of Abraham and was carried down through the Old Testament.  If we believe that God “is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (1 Nephi 10:18), we should not be surprised to find that a law established for His people living in Old Testament times would be renewed with His Saints in the latter-days.

In a revelation to the Church given July 8, 1838, the Lord declared: “And this shall be the beginning of the tithing of my people ... Those who have thus been tithed shall pay one-tenth of all their interest annually; and this shall be a standing law unto them forever” (D&C 119:3-4).  A letter from the First Presidency, dated March 19, 1970, defined a proper tithe in this manner: “The simplest statement we know of is the statement of the Lord himself, namely, that the members of the Church should pay ‘one-tenth of all their interest annually,’ which is understood to mean income.”  Interest means increase; increase is defined as income.  Based on this definition, when we receive income, the Lord has commanded we pay one-tenth of that income to Him through his Church.

Why have we been given the law of tithing?  The Lord answered this question when He declared to the Old Testament prophet Malachi, “Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, and prove me now herewith ... if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it” (Malachi 3:8, 10).  We have we been given the law of tithing because our Father in Heaven desires to bless us with such abundance that our cups cannot receive them all.  He cannot do this, however, unless he tests our faithfulness; and one of the greatest ways He accomplishes this is by asking us to return to him a tenth of what we earn.

The blessings referred to are both temporal and spiritual in nature.  “I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes,” God declares through Malachi, “and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground” (Malachi 3:11).  While this promise can definitely be seen as temporal—saving crops from locusts and pests, the “devourer” could also be a name for Satan—the fruits of the ground meaning the spiritual fruits that accompany a desire to follow God and His Son Jesus Christ.  Either way, the Lord promises to protect us from temporal or spiritual devouring.  I have seen many temporal blessings come to me and my family because Jennifer and I made the commitment to be full tithe payers at the beginning of our marriage—anonymous gifts; money received from unexpected sources; repairs that didn’t cost as much as first feared.  To some people, these incidents might be brushed aside as coincidence or luck, but to me, they have been a reaffirmation of the temporal blessings promised by the Lord to those who pay their tithing.

Of even greater significance, however, are the spiritual blessings that come when we pay our tithing.  There are many, but I will focus on one: the opportunity to attend the temple.  Consistent temple attendance allows us to receive, as President Thomas S. Monson declared, “everything the Church has to offer” (Ensign, May 2011, 93).  In order to have this blessing available to us, it is imperative that we follow our Father in Heaven’s commandments; doing so will enable us to receive this amazing blessing.  Three months after the Prophet Joseph Smith was martyred, Brigham Young taught this principle to the Saints when he admonished: “Enter steadily and regularly upon a strict observance of the law of tithing, ... then come up to the House of the Lord, and be taught in his ways, and walk in his paths” (History of the Church, 7:282).

Because each temple is dedicated as “The House of the Lord,” Heavenly Father sets the standards for qualification to enter His house.  One of the requirements to be worthy to enter the temple is that we must be a full tithe payer.  Elder Hales explained: “The strict observance of the law of tithing not only qualifies us to receive the higher, saving ordinances of the temple, it allows us to receive them on behalf of our ancestors. When asked whether members of the Church could be baptized for the dead if they had not paid their tithing, President John Taylor, then of the Quorum of the Twelve, answered: ‘A man who has not paid his tithing is unfit to be baptized for his dead. ... If a man has not faith enough to attend to these little things, he has not faith enough to save himself and his friends’” (Ensign, Nov. 2002, 26-27).

Tithing is a test of our faith.  To give a tenth of our income to the Lord is not always an easy thing to do—in fact it may always be a difficult thing to do, but the blessings we can receive from the Lord in return for our faithfulness far surpasses the sacrifice.  The question might be asked: Why would God require us to pay tithing in order to enter the temple?  Consider these facts: Our Father in Heaven has blessed us with our mortal lives; He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins and break the bands of physical death; the strength we have to work and maintain ourselves and our families is bestowed upon us by Him; He has given us this Church as a way for us to come closer to Him through the mediation of our Savior; He has directed His latter-day prophets to build temples, which enables Him to endow us “with power from on high” (D&C 38:32); He waits for us, with open arms, to return to Him in His kingdom where He will bestow upon us, if we have proven ourselves faithful, “all that [He] hath” (D&C 84:38)!  For all of these things and more, our Father asks us for a tenth of our income.  When you consider what He is asking of us in light of what He already gives us or is promising to give us, can we truly, in our heart, say that He is asking too much of us?

“Tithing is a principle that is fundamental to the personal happiness and well-being of the Church members worldwide, both rich and poor,” taught President James E. Faust. “Tithing is a principle of sacrifice and a key to the opening of the windows of heaven ... Members of the Church who do not tithe do not lose their membership; they only lose blessings” (Ensign, Nov. 1998, 58-59).  When we show our faith and sacrifice to Heavenly Father through the payment of tithes, he truly will “open ... the windows of heaven, and pour ... out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.”  I know this is true for I have seen it happen in my own life again and again.

Becoming

While preparing for the Melchizedek Priesthood lesson this morning, I was looking in the November 2000 conference Ensign for a quote from Elder Holland and came across Elder Oaks' talk "The Challenge to Become" again.  In the Gospel Principles lesson on charity, I focused solely on his quote concerning that important attribute.  This time, I read the entire talk and the overall concept he taught struck me.  The idea dovetailed into something I'd been thinking about since meeting with the missionaries yesterday.  I felt impressed to bear my testimony about this gospel truth during Sacrament meeting today, and I want to mention those thoughts (as best as I can recall them) in this post with the addition of added scripture verses and quotations.

The Savior's command to the Nephites, his followers in Jerusalem, and to us is to "be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect" (3 Nephi 12:48).  Later, to drive the point further, Jesus asked His new world apostles, "Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be?" and then answered His question, "Verily I say unto you, even as I am" (3 Nephi 27:27).  This is a lofty goal; a very high ideal.  Because we live in telestial circumstances, we find ourselves making mistakes left and right as we struggle to achieve this goal.  If we allow it, this commandment could cause paralysis ("If I make a mistake, I'm doomed.") or defeatism ("I can't live up to this standard!  What's the point of trying?  I give up!").  However, as I grow older, I have come to realize that the obtainment of perfection in this life is not what the Lord is concerned about.  Instead, He is much more interested and focused on what the goal helps us to become.  Elder Oaks explained that "the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become" (Ensign, Nov. 2000, 32, emphasis in original).

I my opinion, the measuring stick Heavenly Father uses in His evaluation of each of us (His children) has more to do with our effort than anything else.  Allow me to illustrate:  Yesterday, Isaac played in his first ever tackle football game.  He's wanted to play this type of football for a long time, but the little league team in the area had a very pricey yearly admission fee (with other costs along the way).  Consequently, the closest he's come to "real" football is a couple of flag football teams courtesy of the local city leagues (here's a picture of him running for a touchdown when he was 6).  Midway through the 4th quarter, the opposing team had scored and was getting ready to try for the extra point.  I saw the coach walk up to Isaac and talk to him.  Immediately, I had a feeling he would be going in for the kick-off return and I tapped Jennifer on the shoulder, "Isaac's going in."  Sure enough, as our team prepared for the kick-off return, Isaac ran onto the field.  He was in the front line.  The moment he entered the game, my attention was riveted on him (so much so that I forgot to take a picture of him L).  He got in a stance and readied himself.  As soon as the football was kicked, I watched as he prepared to block the opposing player who was running toward him.  He put his arm up in a blocking motion (a "flipper" as he called it later), and readied himself.  There was a collision of bodies ... and Isaac found himself on the ground.  To his credit, he jumped up and ran off to try and find someone else to block.  Before he could make any effort to do so, his teammate with the ball was tackled and thus ended his very first game experience.

After the final horn sounded, I walked up to Isaac and told him, "I'd rather see you get knocked on your butt trying to do what you're supposed to do, then see you stand there letting people run past you without making any effort at all."  I also told him I was pleased to see him get up quickly and try to stick with the play rather than lay there on the ground until the whistle blew.  According to Isaac, his coach had also singled him out after the game, telling the team he'd rather play a scared kid who would at least try than a lazy kid who wouldn't do anything.

This brings me back to my earlier statement.  Often in life we see the opponent coming toward us.  We get our "flipper" up and get in our stance and think we're going to handle our block ... and get run over and knocked on our hind quarters instead!  I don't see this scenario as the definition of perfection.  Perfection would be for us to block the opponent and sustain a textbook block until the whistle blew.  Instead, we find ourselves staring up into the sky wondering what the heck happened.  At that moment we can think to ourselves, "Oh, no, the coach will never let me play in another game ever again!" or "I did everything right and I still got knocked on my can!  What's the point?  I give up," or we can get up and try to get back into the play as quickly as possible.  Isaac could have allowed the first two thoughts enter his head and continued to lay on the ground, but he didn't.  He got up and tried to get back into the play.  His effort was rewarded not by a scolding, but by the coach telling the rest of the team he was the type of player he could use on his team.  I believe Heavenly Father is the same in that regard.  He's not going to "upbraid" us (see James 1:5) for getting knocked on our backside while trying to do what we've were sent into the game to accomplish.  He's going to see us as someone He can use; someone He can work with to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39)—ours as well as others.

At the same time, however, it's important to also recognize that Father isn't interested in "checklist" discipleship, hitting our benchmarks and moving on without a backward glance.  Nephi understood the importance of thinking in terms of becoming instead of checklists.  After a lengthy explanation of the importance of baptism and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, Nephi asked, "And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay" (2 Nephi 31:19)!  Nephi recognized baptism to be the beginning, not the end of the journey.  Baptism allowed the disciple to step through the gate on to the strait and narrow path.  From that starting point, Nephi encouraged the man or woman in Christ to "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men" and  if he or she does these things while "feasting upon the word of Christ, and endur[ing] to the end" (2 Nephi 31:20), then he or she will become "perfected in [Christ], and ... then is [Christ's] grace sufficient" (Moroni 10:32) to make up the difference for what we lack.  Elder Oaks taught, "The gospel of Jesus Christ is the plan by which we can become what children of God are supposed to become. This spotless and perfected state will result from a steady succession of covenants, ordinances, and actions, an accumulation of right choices, and from continuing repentance. ... Now is the time for each of us to work toward ... becoming what our Heavenly Father desires us to become" (Ensign, Nov. 2000, 33).

I am grateful for this concept.  I've made plenty of mistakes along my mortal journey, but I am grateful for repentance and the opportunity to overcome my mistakes.  There have been times when I thought I was ready to block the opposing player running toward me and been knocked tail over teakettle.  I am thankful that my Eternal Coach hasn't given up on me and has continued to let me play.  When I consider who I am today as opposed to who I was when I returned home from my mission, I realize I've made some significant progress.  I also realize, however, that I have a long way to go.  Once again, I am grateful for the things my boys teach me and for the opportunity I have to share my testimony of Christ's teachings with others.


Charity (Lesson 30)

When a person is baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he or she covenants to take upon himself or herself the name of Jesus Christ.  In other words, we (speaking of all baptized members collectively) promise to become a disciple of our Savior—to follow and serve him by by serving others (see Mosiah 2:17).  By joining the Savior’s spiritual family (see Mosiah 5:7), we also accept His charge to become “even as [He] is” (3 Nephi 27:27) as we press forward along the strait and narrow path of our mortal journey.  In order to achieve this goal, we must search out His attributes, incorporate them into our everyday behavior, and strive to make them our own.  Of all the attributes personified by the Savior, President Ezra Taft Benson declared that the “final and crowning virtue of the divine character is charity” (Ensign, Nov. 1986, 47).

Charity is the attribute of Christ that encompasses and empowers all the others.  However, when the word charity appears in a lesson or talk, what first comes to mind for most people seems to coincide with the first dictionary definition of the word: “generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless” (dictionary.com).  Examples such as the parable of the Good Samaritan, giving a generous fast offering and other kind acts of service to the afflicted, sick, and poor are discussed.  All these things are, without question, good and appropriate.  But if we leave the definition of charity only at this level, we miss out on the deeper meaning of this important attribute.

Elder Marvin J. Ashton taught, “Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more” (Ensign, May 1992, 18-19).  In one of his letters to the Corinthians, Paul declared, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. … Charity never faileth” (1 Corinthians 13:2, 8).  Mormon echoed the same sentiment: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail” (Moroni 7:46).  The three important points made by these prophets concerning charity are 1) if we don’t have charity, we are considered “nothing,” 2) charity is the “greatest” attribute of all, and 3) charity never fails.

How is it that if we don’t have charity, we are nothing?  To understand why both Paul and Mormon make this bold statement, we need a clearer definition of the word charity.  I have a book called The Layman’s Parallel Bible that shows a side by side comparison of the King James translation of the Bible to the translations found in the Modern Language Bible, the Living Bible and the Revised Standard Bible.  Interestingly, these other three translations change the word charity in 1 Corinthians 13 to love.  While this is a good start toward a proper definition, the Book of Mormon offers an even deeper characterization.  Mormon doesn’t replace the word charity in his sermon, he defines charity as “the pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7:47).

This definition given by Mormon, and no doubt understood by Paul, is why these two men thought so highly of the attribute.  Something is considered pure if it is not contaminated or diluted by any corrupting substances.  The pure love of Christ is uplifting, strengthening and cleansing; it is no respecter of person and always seeks the betterment of others.  President Benson added that the “pure love of Christ differs greatly from what the world thinks of love. Charity never seeks selfish gratification. The pure love of Christ seeks only the eternal growth and joy of others” (Ensign, Nov. 1986, 47).  On the other hand, love spoken of or depicted in mainstream music, movies, literature, or art of society, lacks such pureness and leaves much to be desired.  Paul and Mormon considered someone deficient in the pure love of Christ to be “nothing” because of their selfish, inward focus.  A selfish person might think he has everything, like a dragon hoarding a cavern full of gold, but as Elder Neal A. Maxwell testified “in the arithmetic of appetite, anything multiplied by zero still totals zero” (Ensign, May 1999, 23).  Those without charity are nothing because, in the end, all their worldly somethings mean nothing in the eyes of God.

Perhaps the reason charity is the “greatest” of all the Christ-like attributes is because what it can do for the person who has obtained it.  When viewed in terms of its scriptural definition, real charity is much greater than a donation to a person or a cause.  Elder Ashton explained, “Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again” (Ensign, May 1992, 19, emphasis added).  A great Book of Mormon example of this concept is Enos.  He describes a time during a hunting excursion when he felt the need to cry “unto [God] in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul” (Enos 1:4).  After praying throughout the day and into the night, he received forgiveness of his sins and a cessation of his guilt.  Having acquired charity for himself from God, Enos then began “to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren, the Nephites” and “did pour out [his] whole soul unto God for them” (Enos 1:9).  When he had received a satisfactory answer from God concerning this prayer, Enos felt a need to pray “unto [God] with many long strugglings for my brethren, the Lamanites” (Enos 1:11).  This example shows how the proper acquisition and use of charity raises and lifts a person away from a myopic, inward focus, allowing him to see the spiritual vistas God offers to him and to others.  This scriptural transition personifies President Howard W. Hunter’s statement that an “old axiom states that a man ‘all wrapped up in himself makes a small bundle.’ Love has a certain way of making a small bundle large” (Ensign, Nov. 1986, 35).  Viewed in this way, Enos had truly become a giant.

Finally, Paul and Mormon state that charity never fails.  One way of understanding this concept has to do with how we use the pure love of Christ that we have acquired.  As shown in the example of Enos, after God was charitable to him by forgiving Enos of his sins and Enos began to acquire the attribute of charity, he then used this gift to “love [his] neighbour as [himself]” (Mark 12:31) and stretched further to “Love [his] enemies” (Matthew 5:44).  Again from Elder Ashton: “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other” (Ensign, May 1992, 19).

When we use charity in this manner, it becomes easier to be charitable in the ways I mentioned in the second paragraph of this post, but it is more than that—charity helps us to shed the “natural man” skin of selfishness and become “a saint” (Mosiah 3:19) by emulating Jesus.  In this manner, as Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained, we come to realize that the “reason charity never fails and the reason charity is greater than even the most significant acts of goodness … is that charity, ‘the pure love of Christ’ (Moro. 7:47), is not an act but a condition or state of being. Charity is attained through a succession of acts that result in a conversion. Charity is something one becomes. Thus, as Moroni declared, ‘except men shall have charity they cannot inherit’ the place prepared for them in the mansions of the Father (Ether 12:34)” (Ensign, Nov. 2000, 34, emphasis in original).

No wonder Mormon exhorted his listeners to “cleave unto charity” (Moroni 7:46).  As we cling to the pure love of Christ and incorporate this attribute into our very souls, it will help us to see ourselves and others in the way that our Father in Heaven and our Elder Brother see us: “as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign, May 2012, 76).

Family Pain Management Day

We participated in “family day” at the pain management center today.  I took the day off from work (which gave me a little more sleep time—always a plus J).  Around 11 o’clock, Jennifer and I went to the high school to pick up Ben and Isaac and we drove down the Brea area for the appointment.  I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but I have to admit to being surprised at the size of the building.  The pain management portion was in the front of the building.  As we moved to sit down in the waiting area, I noticed that beyond the pain management section was a huge rehabilitation section with equipment designed to help strengthen different muscles.  I also saw an area where people could relearn how to walk.  I’d have to say I was pretty impressed by what I saw as I realized this building could help many different people with a great many different physical problems.

The first person I was introduced to was Cynthia Crain.  She is the coordinator for the program.  When Jennifer first learned about this program, Cynthia was the person she initially contacted.  After that first conversation, it appeared doubtful that Ben would be able to get into the program right away.  Only a small amount of people are taken into the program at a time (I think the number mentioned was 10).  At the time, the program was full up until September.  Jen was worried about the time factor.  She was hoping to get Ben into the program during the summer to complete the 8 weeks without it interfering with school.  Cynthia was willing to work with Jen and set Ben up to begin the program on July 7th.  If you’ve been keeping up, you’ll remember that the 7th was the day Ben's appendix (or what was left of it) was removed.  I was very impressed to learn that when Jennifer talked with Cynthia to tell her what had happened, she was immediately willing to set a new starting time that would give him enough time to recover from his surgery.  Unfortunately, the new start date coincided with the Ben’s second week of school.  His run through the program has necessitated him missing half of three days out of the week, but the school administration has been willing to work with him.  It’s been a bit tough for him to get homework assignments at times.  Overall, things have gone pretty well up to this point.

The screen looked kind of like this.

After a short wait, it was time for us to meet with Kimson.  She is the bio-feedback specialist.  One of the things she is teaching Ben is how to control his pain through breathing and relaxing techniques.  To help him (and her) see how these techniques assist him, she placed electrodes on Ben’s upper torso.  The electrodes were connected to a computer that can monitor his physical reactions to the stimuli she is giving him.  Kimson’s first test for Ben was to flash color words on a screen that were colored differently than the word (for example: BLUE).  Ben’s task was to say the color red instead of the word blue.  He was given about ten to fifteen seconds per word, so he had to go fast.  The words would flash up on the screen (GREEN, PURPLE, YELLOW, RED).  There were a couple of times when he said the word instead of the color.  It wasn’t easy (I was trying it in my head).  Most of the time, Ben really had to work to say the color instead of the word.  As the exercise progressed, I noticed Ben’s readings on the screen increased as his stress level rose.  Once the exercise was completed, Kimson told Ben to focus on breathing techniques she had taught him in previous sessions.  I was fascinated to see the levels decrease; slowly at first and then a little faster as Ben was able to calm his body.

She had Ben do another exercise which was similar in its effect, but different in the sense that she asked him to relate a story that would cause him to relive a stressful situation.  Afterward, she showed all of us the importance of belly breathing over chest breathing.  She said that belly breathing was actually the proper way to breathe as it would employ the diaphragm more effectively.  Apparently, as we become adults, we forget to breathe with the belly and focus on the chest.  I volunteered to be partially hooked up to the machine and noticed when I focused on breathing with my belly, it was easier for me to keep the markers within the “good” range.  This bio-feedback helps Ben to see the importance of these techniques and how they can assist him in reducing his pain levels when they increase.  I was quite fascinated by the process.

The next person we met was Dr. Boffa.  He is a psychologist and works with Ben to help him talk about his pain and put it in perspective.  I don’t know how affective his therapy session was with all of us sitting there in the room, but he talked with Ben and encouraged him to focus on the things he was learning with the other members of the pain management team over the past couple of weeks.  At first, it was interesting to listen to the exchange and Dr. Boffa tried to include the rest of us in the discussion, however I will admit to losing interest at about the mid-way point.  I started getting bored and a bit sleepy.  I felt bad because the whole point of this day was to see what Ben was learning and to meet his team, but talk therapy can only be all-inclusive for only so long when the focus is supposed to be on one person.  Dr. Boffa was very nice and seemed to be quite engaging with Ben.  I was glad to see how Ben responded to him and how the two of them seemed to have a good rapport.

A representation of what the pool looked like

After Dr. Boffa, it was time for physical therapy in the pool.  Ben changed into his swimming trunks and put on the pool shoes we bought for him (it was not easy finding size 13 pool shoes, but Dick’s Sporting Goods came through for us and we didn’t have to special order them J).  Ben’s regular physical therapist had the day off on our family day, so her assistant, Linda, was in charge.  The therapy pools and not long, but are about 5 to 5 1/2 feet deep (the water came up to Ben’s chest).  Once in the water, Linda had Ben complete various pool exercises.  He moved forward, backward and sideways.  None of what he was doing had anything to do with swimming, necessarily.  Instead, the resistance of the water combined with the specific movements he was being asked to accomplish were designed to strengthen his muscles and joints.  I asked Linda a few questions while watching her put Ben through his paces.  Pool therapy had only started last week, but Jennifer commented on how much Ben had already improved physically.

Finally, it was time to meet Vibhuti, the occupational therapist.  Of all the people we met during this tour, I’d have to say I was most interested to meet Vibhuti because of the things she had taught Ben.  Occupational therapy, from what I’ve been able to gather, differs from physical therapy in the sense that Vibhuti has taught Ben strategies to help him accomplish everyday tasks with a minimal amount of pain.  I asked Ben what three things he has learned from her that has helped him the most.  His reply was 1) relearning to do chores to get his life back, 2) playing the Wii to learn the fundamentals of playing sports without hurting himself, and 3) strengthening his walking, standing and sitting time limit.

I fully expected Vibhuti to teach him a few new techniques.  I was ready to watch the process and see how she worked with Ben to learn his latest method.  In this wish I was disappointed.  Instead of showing Ben something new, she asked him how he was doing with the things he’d already learned and then talked to him (and, extensively, us) about the importance of using these techniques.  Rats! L

Oh, well.  All in all though, I did find the time I spent with Ben and his “team” quite fascinating.  I was impressed by the time they took with him and by the things they are teaching him.  In the 3 weeks that he has been a part of this program, I have seen improvement in the way he carries himself.  Whereas at times during our vacation he had difficulty even standing, he seems to have better control over his body and is able to function closer to a normal level than before.  I know Ben is not out of the woods yet.  Pain will be a constant companion for the rest of his life and he won’t be able to do certain things that he used to take for granted, but his quality of life is improving and that is a great blessing.

Embracing Change

I don't take to change very easily.  Ask Jennifer if this is true and she will nod her head emphatically (she’s had firsthand experience).  I have my moments (few, admittedly) when I’ve pivoted on the fly, but, for the most part, me and my routine are very good friends, disruptions are not looked upon as a good thing and changes occur at a glacial pace.

One example of this (there are many, but I’ll try to remain on point J) is the way I've styled my hair.  At some point in my young life, I began hating parts in my hair.  When I was younger, Mom would sometimes put a part in my hair on one side of my head or the other (mostly the left side).  No big deal to me then.  When I started taking charge of my own hair combing, however, parts drove me nuts.  I could never get them straight.  Since I also have a perfectionist streak in me, the fact that I could never part my hair straight made me quickly give up on the entire process.  As far as I can tell from year book pictures, I settled on a "comb it one way, comb it the other way, tousle it and walk out the door" look.

My Hairstyle Before

It wasn't until "The Vacation" (the vacation where my family spent two months in a RV driving around the Eastern seaboard visiting US history and Church history sites) that I finally settled on a sort of hair style. During drive time, I spent a good portion of that trip in the back on the driver's side propped up on the couch/bed (the middle section would be the dining table during dinner-time) reading books or comic books or making up stories with Aaron to entertain the masses.  I would keep the window open to let the air circulate.  With the open window on my left side, the wind had a tendency to flip my bangs from the left side to the right.  After a while, I got used it seeing it that way in the mirror and started combing my hair that way—without the part; that was non-negotiable.  Thus my hairstyle, such as it is, was born and I’ve been combing it in that fashion for 3 decades.

Now I’ve reached a time in my life where continuing in this fashion is becoming more difficult.  I’ve finally had to face up to the fact that my hair has thinned to the point where this style is not as feasible as it once was.  Oh, men who are my contemporaries and are more … er, “folliclely challenged” then I say, “Well, at least you still have hair,” but that brings little comfort when there used to be an abundance of it that is no longer available.

I have been getting my hair cut for the last 9 months of so at a barbershop near work.  They specialize in men’s haircuts.  The last two times I got my hair cut there, the barber cutting my hair (I don't have a "favorite"—I choose whoever is available at the time) styled it very differently than I am used to.  He parted it on left side and swooshed it over to the right—not a comb over (I still have enough to not have to do such a thing), but a swoosh held in place by gel.  The first two times, I came home, manually fixed my hair in order to get it back to my regular way of combing it and went about my business.

My Hairstyle Now

Today, after getting my haircut and the barber styling it in this new way again, I was coming home and stopped at Wal-Mart for cat litter for our new kittens.  As I was on my cell phone asking Jennifer about a brand we were trying, Sister Hunter from our ward happened to see me and raved about my new hair style.  I’ll admit, I was a bit taken aback.  No one had ever complimented me on my hairstyle before.  Later, I told everyone about Sister Hunter’s reaction as we ate dinner.  I suggested that I keep the hairstyle of a few days to see if maybe I liked it.  The part isn’t has difficult to maintain now that it doesn’t have to be as long and styling my hair with gel might cut down on the time it takes to blow dry it.  Jennifer said she liked it and Ben and Isaac also approved.

When I walked into the Gospel Principles class today, the sisters in the room suddenly became quiet and looked at me.  A bit self-conscious, I asked what was going on and was told that Sister Hunter had been telling everyone in Relief Society about my new hairstyle.  Now that they had seen it, the sisters in the class approved of the change.  Again, this is new territory for me.  As I said, no one has ever “approved” of my hairstyle.  But if Jennifer, Ben, Isaac, and the Relief Society sisters in the ward endorse my new look, how can I fight it?  I guess it’s time to embrace change and figure out how to consistently style my hair in this fashion.  While everyone else seems to have immediately liked the change, it may take a week or two to fully get used to it.  Still, a little change here and there isn’t such a bad thing; is it? J

New Kittens

A month ago, I mentioned we had to  part with our cats because of their behavioral problems.  Now, a month later, we have new kittens in our home.  Not long after having to make the difficult decision to remove Kira and Jonesy, there was a hole in our home.  I had two cats (Chekov and Sulu) before I married Jen.  We’ve had cats around the house constantly since then.  To suddenly not have cats made our home feel like it was missing an important component.  Then we learned that Amanda Clayton had a cat who recently gave birth to a litter of kittens.  She wasn’t the best of mothers in the beginning.  Amanda and her daughter Lilly had to bottle feed the kittens to keep their strength from fading.  Even with their care, only two from the litter, a boy and girl, survived the critical first few days.  We talked it over as a family and decided to ask if we could have them.

One of the intriguing aspects of this situation for me was the fact that the kittens came from the same litter.  I liked this idea because Chekov and Sulu were brother and sister from the same litter.  They came to me with a built in relationship with each other.  I didn’t have to struggle to help them get used to each other, they already were.  This familiarity helped to keep problems with jealousy or territorialism from being very prevalent.  After making the decision to open our home to the kittens, we didn’t want to bring them in too soon as they were still pretty young.  It was decided that we would wait until the first week or two of August.  This gave us the chance to clean up the messes Kira had made and to prepare ourselves to have cats in the house again.  We finally brought them home yesterday.

We chose their names very carefully.  Potential names were tossed into the ring, kicked around, and discarded or placed in the “maybe” category.  Ben and Isaac suggested the name Gumball for the boy cat.  One of their favorite cartoons is The Amazing World of Gumball on Cartoon Network.  It’s quite a clever show and has become a family favorite.  With this name unanimously approved, we decided to stay with the theme and pick the girl’s name from the female characters in the show; we settled on Penny.  Gumball is the grey kitten with spots of white and orange and Penny is the tortoise shell; black and brown with mixed measures of white and orange.   After only a few days with us, I have seen characteristics in these two very similar to Chekov and Sulu.  I really like the relationship they have with each other.  They play together and don’t like it when one is out of sight of the other for too long.  Penny is the more high-strung of the two; Gumball is easy going.  Also, spending their first two months in a home with young children has helped them to not be skittish with us or with company.  They are also amenable to being picked up and held.  We’ve all fallen in love with these two new members of our family and hope to have them with us for a long time.

Andrea’s Visit

My sister Andrea came to visit us over the weekend.  A business trip brought her into our neck of the woods.  We’re always happy to host family.  Traffic being what it is and her business lasting longer than anticipated, he arrived a bit later than originally expected, but she was able to join us as we went to the church to celebrate Jordan Graham achieving his Eagle in boy scouts.  Before we left the house, Andrea told us she’d like to take us to dinner.  With the recent opening of Steak n’ Shake (finally!) in our area, I suggested we give it a try and everyone eagerly agreed.  Andrea took this picture of us as we sat nursing our shakes as we waited for our food.  Our time at Steak n’ Shake brought back good memories of our vacation last year and we were happy to introduce what is quickly becoming one of our favorite restaurants to Andrea.  It was great to have her with us even though the time was brief.  We had fun talking with her and spending time with her.  She had to leave Sunday morning to make it to the airport in time for the next stage of her trip.  Thankfully, she posted our picture to her Facebook page, so I’ll slip it in here as a reminder of the nice time we had while she was with us. J