Charity (Lesson 30)

When a person is baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he or she covenants to take upon himself or herself the name of Jesus Christ.  In other words, we (speaking of all baptized members collectively) promise to become a disciple of our Savior—to follow and serve him by by serving others (see Mosiah 2:17).  By joining the Savior’s spiritual family (see Mosiah 5:7), we also accept His charge to become “even as [He] is” (3 Nephi 27:27) as we press forward along the strait and narrow path of our mortal journey.  In order to achieve this goal, we must search out His attributes, incorporate them into our everyday behavior, and strive to make them our own.  Of all the attributes personified by the Savior, President Ezra Taft Benson declared that the “final and crowning virtue of the divine character is charity” (Ensign, Nov. 1986, 47).

Charity is the attribute of Christ that encompasses and empowers all the others.  However, when the word charity appears in a lesson or talk, what first comes to mind for most people seems to coincide with the first dictionary definition of the word: “generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless” (dictionary.com).  Examples such as the parable of the Good Samaritan, giving a generous fast offering and other kind acts of service to the afflicted, sick, and poor are discussed.  All these things are, without question, good and appropriate.  But if we leave the definition of charity only at this level, we miss out on the deeper meaning of this important attribute.

Elder Marvin J. Ashton taught, “Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more” (Ensign, May 1992, 18-19).  In one of his letters to the Corinthians, Paul declared, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. … Charity never faileth” (1 Corinthians 13:2, 8).  Mormon echoed the same sentiment: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail” (Moroni 7:46).  The three important points made by these prophets concerning charity are 1) if we don’t have charity, we are considered “nothing,” 2) charity is the “greatest” attribute of all, and 3) charity never fails.

How is it that if we don’t have charity, we are nothing?  To understand why both Paul and Mormon make this bold statement, we need a clearer definition of the word charity.  I have a book called The Layman’s Parallel Bible that shows a side by side comparison of the King James translation of the Bible to the translations found in the Modern Language Bible, the Living Bible and the Revised Standard Bible.  Interestingly, these other three translations change the word charity in 1 Corinthians 13 to love.  While this is a good start toward a proper definition, the Book of Mormon offers an even deeper characterization.  Mormon doesn’t replace the word charity in his sermon, he defines charity as “the pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7:47).

This definition given by Mormon, and no doubt understood by Paul, is why these two men thought so highly of the attribute.  Something is considered pure if it is not contaminated or diluted by any corrupting substances.  The pure love of Christ is uplifting, strengthening and cleansing; it is no respecter of person and always seeks the betterment of others.  President Benson added that the “pure love of Christ differs greatly from what the world thinks of love. Charity never seeks selfish gratification. The pure love of Christ seeks only the eternal growth and joy of others” (Ensign, Nov. 1986, 47).  On the other hand, love spoken of or depicted in mainstream music, movies, literature, or art of society, lacks such pureness and leaves much to be desired.  Paul and Mormon considered someone deficient in the pure love of Christ to be “nothing” because of their selfish, inward focus.  A selfish person might think he has everything, like a dragon hoarding a cavern full of gold, but as Elder Neal A. Maxwell testified “in the arithmetic of appetite, anything multiplied by zero still totals zero” (Ensign, May 1999, 23).  Those without charity are nothing because, in the end, all their worldly somethings mean nothing in the eyes of God.

Perhaps the reason charity is the “greatest” of all the Christ-like attributes is because what it can do for the person who has obtained it.  When viewed in terms of its scriptural definition, real charity is much greater than a donation to a person or a cause.  Elder Ashton explained, “Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again” (Ensign, May 1992, 19, emphasis added).  A great Book of Mormon example of this concept is Enos.  He describes a time during a hunting excursion when he felt the need to cry “unto [God] in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul” (Enos 1:4).  After praying throughout the day and into the night, he received forgiveness of his sins and a cessation of his guilt.  Having acquired charity for himself from God, Enos then began “to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren, the Nephites” and “did pour out [his] whole soul unto God for them” (Enos 1:9).  When he had received a satisfactory answer from God concerning this prayer, Enos felt a need to pray “unto [God] with many long strugglings for my brethren, the Lamanites” (Enos 1:11).  This example shows how the proper acquisition and use of charity raises and lifts a person away from a myopic, inward focus, allowing him to see the spiritual vistas God offers to him and to others.  This scriptural transition personifies President Howard W. Hunter’s statement that an “old axiom states that a man ‘all wrapped up in himself makes a small bundle.’ Love has a certain way of making a small bundle large” (Ensign, Nov. 1986, 35).  Viewed in this way, Enos had truly become a giant.

Finally, Paul and Mormon state that charity never fails.  One way of understanding this concept has to do with how we use the pure love of Christ that we have acquired.  As shown in the example of Enos, after God was charitable to him by forgiving Enos of his sins and Enos began to acquire the attribute of charity, he then used this gift to “love [his] neighbour as [himself]” (Mark 12:31) and stretched further to “Love [his] enemies” (Matthew 5:44).  Again from Elder Ashton: “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other” (Ensign, May 1992, 19).

When we use charity in this manner, it becomes easier to be charitable in the ways I mentioned in the second paragraph of this post, but it is more than that—charity helps us to shed the “natural man” skin of selfishness and become “a saint” (Mosiah 3:19) by emulating Jesus.  In this manner, as Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained, we come to realize that the “reason charity never fails and the reason charity is greater than even the most significant acts of goodness … is that charity, ‘the pure love of Christ’ (Moro. 7:47), is not an act but a condition or state of being. Charity is attained through a succession of acts that result in a conversion. Charity is something one becomes. Thus, as Moroni declared, ‘except men shall have charity they cannot inherit’ the place prepared for them in the mansions of the Father (Ether 12:34)” (Ensign, Nov. 2000, 34, emphasis in original).

No wonder Mormon exhorted his listeners to “cleave unto charity” (Moroni 7:46).  As we cling to the pure love of Christ and incorporate this attribute into our very souls, it will help us to see ourselves and others in the way that our Father in Heaven and our Elder Brother see us: “as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign, May 2012, 76).

Family Pain Management Day

We participated in “family day” at the pain management center today.  I took the day off from work (which gave me a little more sleep time—always a plus J).  Around 11 o’clock, Jennifer and I went to the high school to pick up Ben and Isaac and we drove down the Brea area for the appointment.  I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but I have to admit to being surprised at the size of the building.  The pain management portion was in the front of the building.  As we moved to sit down in the waiting area, I noticed that beyond the pain management section was a huge rehabilitation section with equipment designed to help strengthen different muscles.  I also saw an area where people could relearn how to walk.  I’d have to say I was pretty impressed by what I saw as I realized this building could help many different people with a great many different physical problems.

The first person I was introduced to was Cynthia Crain.  She is the coordinator for the program.  When Jennifer first learned about this program, Cynthia was the person she initially contacted.  After that first conversation, it appeared doubtful that Ben would be able to get into the program right away.  Only a small amount of people are taken into the program at a time (I think the number mentioned was 10).  At the time, the program was full up until September.  Jen was worried about the time factor.  She was hoping to get Ben into the program during the summer to complete the 8 weeks without it interfering with school.  Cynthia was willing to work with Jen and set Ben up to begin the program on July 7th.  If you’ve been keeping up, you’ll remember that the 7th was the day Ben's appendix (or what was left of it) was removed.  I was very impressed to learn that when Jennifer talked with Cynthia to tell her what had happened, she was immediately willing to set a new starting time that would give him enough time to recover from his surgery.  Unfortunately, the new start date coincided with the Ben’s second week of school.  His run through the program has necessitated him missing half of three days out of the week, but the school administration has been willing to work with him.  It’s been a bit tough for him to get homework assignments at times.  Overall, things have gone pretty well up to this point.

The screen looked kind of like this.

After a short wait, it was time for us to meet with Kimson.  She is the bio-feedback specialist.  One of the things she is teaching Ben is how to control his pain through breathing and relaxing techniques.  To help him (and her) see how these techniques assist him, she placed electrodes on Ben’s upper torso.  The electrodes were connected to a computer that can monitor his physical reactions to the stimuli she is giving him.  Kimson’s first test for Ben was to flash color words on a screen that were colored differently than the word (for example: BLUE).  Ben’s task was to say the color red instead of the word blue.  He was given about ten to fifteen seconds per word, so he had to go fast.  The words would flash up on the screen (GREEN, PURPLE, YELLOW, RED).  There were a couple of times when he said the word instead of the color.  It wasn’t easy (I was trying it in my head).  Most of the time, Ben really had to work to say the color instead of the word.  As the exercise progressed, I noticed Ben’s readings on the screen increased as his stress level rose.  Once the exercise was completed, Kimson told Ben to focus on breathing techniques she had taught him in previous sessions.  I was fascinated to see the levels decrease; slowly at first and then a little faster as Ben was able to calm his body.

She had Ben do another exercise which was similar in its effect, but different in the sense that she asked him to relate a story that would cause him to relive a stressful situation.  Afterward, she showed all of us the importance of belly breathing over chest breathing.  She said that belly breathing was actually the proper way to breathe as it would employ the diaphragm more effectively.  Apparently, as we become adults, we forget to breathe with the belly and focus on the chest.  I volunteered to be partially hooked up to the machine and noticed when I focused on breathing with my belly, it was easier for me to keep the markers within the “good” range.  This bio-feedback helps Ben to see the importance of these techniques and how they can assist him in reducing his pain levels when they increase.  I was quite fascinated by the process.

The next person we met was Dr. Boffa.  He is a psychologist and works with Ben to help him talk about his pain and put it in perspective.  I don’t know how affective his therapy session was with all of us sitting there in the room, but he talked with Ben and encouraged him to focus on the things he was learning with the other members of the pain management team over the past couple of weeks.  At first, it was interesting to listen to the exchange and Dr. Boffa tried to include the rest of us in the discussion, however I will admit to losing interest at about the mid-way point.  I started getting bored and a bit sleepy.  I felt bad because the whole point of this day was to see what Ben was learning and to meet his team, but talk therapy can only be all-inclusive for only so long when the focus is supposed to be on one person.  Dr. Boffa was very nice and seemed to be quite engaging with Ben.  I was glad to see how Ben responded to him and how the two of them seemed to have a good rapport.

A representation of what the pool looked like

After Dr. Boffa, it was time for physical therapy in the pool.  Ben changed into his swimming trunks and put on the pool shoes we bought for him (it was not easy finding size 13 pool shoes, but Dick’s Sporting Goods came through for us and we didn’t have to special order them J).  Ben’s regular physical therapist had the day off on our family day, so her assistant, Linda, was in charge.  The therapy pools and not long, but are about 5 to 5 1/2 feet deep (the water came up to Ben’s chest).  Once in the water, Linda had Ben complete various pool exercises.  He moved forward, backward and sideways.  None of what he was doing had anything to do with swimming, necessarily.  Instead, the resistance of the water combined with the specific movements he was being asked to accomplish were designed to strengthen his muscles and joints.  I asked Linda a few questions while watching her put Ben through his paces.  Pool therapy had only started last week, but Jennifer commented on how much Ben had already improved physically.

Finally, it was time to meet Vibhuti, the occupational therapist.  Of all the people we met during this tour, I’d have to say I was most interested to meet Vibhuti because of the things she had taught Ben.  Occupational therapy, from what I’ve been able to gather, differs from physical therapy in the sense that Vibhuti has taught Ben strategies to help him accomplish everyday tasks with a minimal amount of pain.  I asked Ben what three things he has learned from her that has helped him the most.  His reply was 1) relearning to do chores to get his life back, 2) playing the Wii to learn the fundamentals of playing sports without hurting himself, and 3) strengthening his walking, standing and sitting time limit.

I fully expected Vibhuti to teach him a few new techniques.  I was ready to watch the process and see how she worked with Ben to learn his latest method.  In this wish I was disappointed.  Instead of showing Ben something new, she asked him how he was doing with the things he’d already learned and then talked to him (and, extensively, us) about the importance of using these techniques.  Rats! L

Oh, well.  All in all though, I did find the time I spent with Ben and his “team” quite fascinating.  I was impressed by the time they took with him and by the things they are teaching him.  In the 3 weeks that he has been a part of this program, I have seen improvement in the way he carries himself.  Whereas at times during our vacation he had difficulty even standing, he seems to have better control over his body and is able to function closer to a normal level than before.  I know Ben is not out of the woods yet.  Pain will be a constant companion for the rest of his life and he won’t be able to do certain things that he used to take for granted, but his quality of life is improving and that is a great blessing.

Embracing Change

I don't take to change very easily.  Ask Jennifer if this is true and she will nod her head emphatically (she’s had firsthand experience).  I have my moments (few, admittedly) when I’ve pivoted on the fly, but, for the most part, me and my routine are very good friends, disruptions are not looked upon as a good thing and changes occur at a glacial pace.

One example of this (there are many, but I’ll try to remain on point J) is the way I've styled my hair.  At some point in my young life, I began hating parts in my hair.  When I was younger, Mom would sometimes put a part in my hair on one side of my head or the other (mostly the left side).  No big deal to me then.  When I started taking charge of my own hair combing, however, parts drove me nuts.  I could never get them straight.  Since I also have a perfectionist streak in me, the fact that I could never part my hair straight made me quickly give up on the entire process.  As far as I can tell from year book pictures, I settled on a "comb it one way, comb it the other way, tousle it and walk out the door" look.

My Hairstyle Before

It wasn't until "The Vacation" (the vacation where my family spent two months in a RV driving around the Eastern seaboard visiting US history and Church history sites) that I finally settled on a sort of hair style. During drive time, I spent a good portion of that trip in the back on the driver's side propped up on the couch/bed (the middle section would be the dining table during dinner-time) reading books or comic books or making up stories with Aaron to entertain the masses.  I would keep the window open to let the air circulate.  With the open window on my left side, the wind had a tendency to flip my bangs from the left side to the right.  After a while, I got used it seeing it that way in the mirror and started combing my hair that way—without the part; that was non-negotiable.  Thus my hairstyle, such as it is, was born and I’ve been combing it in that fashion for 3 decades.

Now I’ve reached a time in my life where continuing in this fashion is becoming more difficult.  I’ve finally had to face up to the fact that my hair has thinned to the point where this style is not as feasible as it once was.  Oh, men who are my contemporaries and are more … er, “folliclely challenged” then I say, “Well, at least you still have hair,” but that brings little comfort when there used to be an abundance of it that is no longer available.

I have been getting my hair cut for the last 9 months of so at a barbershop near work.  They specialize in men’s haircuts.  The last two times I got my hair cut there, the barber cutting my hair (I don't have a "favorite"—I choose whoever is available at the time) styled it very differently than I am used to.  He parted it on left side and swooshed it over to the right—not a comb over (I still have enough to not have to do such a thing), but a swoosh held in place by gel.  The first two times, I came home, manually fixed my hair in order to get it back to my regular way of combing it and went about my business.

My Hairstyle Now

Today, after getting my haircut and the barber styling it in this new way again, I was coming home and stopped at Wal-Mart for cat litter for our new kittens.  As I was on my cell phone asking Jennifer about a brand we were trying, Sister Hunter from our ward happened to see me and raved about my new hair style.  I’ll admit, I was a bit taken aback.  No one had ever complimented me on my hairstyle before.  Later, I told everyone about Sister Hunter’s reaction as we ate dinner.  I suggested that I keep the hairstyle of a few days to see if maybe I liked it.  The part isn’t has difficult to maintain now that it doesn’t have to be as long and styling my hair with gel might cut down on the time it takes to blow dry it.  Jennifer said she liked it and Ben and Isaac also approved.

When I walked into the Gospel Principles class today, the sisters in the room suddenly became quiet and looked at me.  A bit self-conscious, I asked what was going on and was told that Sister Hunter had been telling everyone in Relief Society about my new hairstyle.  Now that they had seen it, the sisters in the class approved of the change.  Again, this is new territory for me.  As I said, no one has ever “approved” of my hairstyle.  But if Jennifer, Ben, Isaac, and the Relief Society sisters in the ward endorse my new look, how can I fight it?  I guess it’s time to embrace change and figure out how to consistently style my hair in this fashion.  While everyone else seems to have immediately liked the change, it may take a week or two to fully get used to it.  Still, a little change here and there isn’t such a bad thing; is it? J

New Kittens

A month ago, I mentioned we had to  part with our cats because of their behavioral problems.  Now, a month later, we have new kittens in our home.  Not long after having to make the difficult decision to remove Kira and Jonesy, there was a hole in our home.  I had two cats (Chekov and Sulu) before I married Jen.  We’ve had cats around the house constantly since then.  To suddenly not have cats made our home feel like it was missing an important component.  Then we learned that Amanda Clayton had a cat who recently gave birth to a litter of kittens.  She wasn’t the best of mothers in the beginning.  Amanda and her daughter Lilly had to bottle feed the kittens to keep their strength from fading.  Even with their care, only two from the litter, a boy and girl, survived the critical first few days.  We talked it over as a family and decided to ask if we could have them.

One of the intriguing aspects of this situation for me was the fact that the kittens came from the same litter.  I liked this idea because Chekov and Sulu were brother and sister from the same litter.  They came to me with a built in relationship with each other.  I didn’t have to struggle to help them get used to each other, they already were.  This familiarity helped to keep problems with jealousy or territorialism from being very prevalent.  After making the decision to open our home to the kittens, we didn’t want to bring them in too soon as they were still pretty young.  It was decided that we would wait until the first week or two of August.  This gave us the chance to clean up the messes Kira had made and to prepare ourselves to have cats in the house again.  We finally brought them home yesterday.

We chose their names very carefully.  Potential names were tossed into the ring, kicked around, and discarded or placed in the “maybe” category.  Ben and Isaac suggested the name Gumball for the boy cat.  One of their favorite cartoons is The Amazing World of Gumball on Cartoon Network.  It’s quite a clever show and has become a family favorite.  With this name unanimously approved, we decided to stay with the theme and pick the girl’s name from the female characters in the show; we settled on Penny.  Gumball is the grey kitten with spots of white and orange and Penny is the tortoise shell; black and brown with mixed measures of white and orange.   After only a few days with us, I have seen characteristics in these two very similar to Chekov and Sulu.  I really like the relationship they have with each other.  They play together and don’t like it when one is out of sight of the other for too long.  Penny is the more high-strung of the two; Gumball is easy going.  Also, spending their first two months in a home with young children has helped them to not be skittish with us or with company.  They are also amenable to being picked up and held.  We’ve all fallen in love with these two new members of our family and hope to have them with us for a long time.

Andrea’s Visit

My sister Andrea came to visit us over the weekend.  A business trip brought her into our neck of the woods.  We’re always happy to host family.  Traffic being what it is and her business lasting longer than anticipated, he arrived a bit later than originally expected, but she was able to join us as we went to the church to celebrate Jordan Graham achieving his Eagle in boy scouts.  Before we left the house, Andrea told us she’d like to take us to dinner.  With the recent opening of Steak n’ Shake (finally!) in our area, I suggested we give it a try and everyone eagerly agreed.  Andrea took this picture of us as we sat nursing our shakes as we waited for our food.  Our time at Steak n’ Shake brought back good memories of our vacation last year and we were happy to introduce what is quickly becoming one of our favorite restaurants to Andrea.  It was great to have her with us even though the time was brief.  We had fun talking with her and spending time with her.  She had to leave Sunday morning to make it to the airport in time for the next stage of her trip.  Thankfully, she posted our picture to her Facebook page, so I’ll slip it in here as a reminder of the nice time we had while she was with us. J