Waxing Cold

Over the last several years, I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern in the overall way people treat each other.  Individuals or groups seem more willing to say mean or angry things about others via the ever growing numbers of social networks and that nastiness is also spilling into everyday settings.  I’m not saying that every single person in the world has turned into some 12-eyed monster looking to roast others with anger.  What I am saying, however, is that a spirit of contention has become so much more prevalent among us that we really need to be on our guard against it.  I would define this phenomenon as an exacerbation of the problem the Savior described as “the love of many … wax[ing] cold” (Matthew 24:12).

There are three specific verses found in Matthew 24 and Joseph Smith—Matthew (the aforementioned 24:12, and JS-M 1:10 & 1:30) that mention either the love of “many” or the love of “men” waxing cold.  What I notice in these verses is that Jesus gave a specific cause and effect definition for this occurrence.  He states that “because iniquity shall abound, … love … shall wax cold” (24:14).  When understood from a scriptural standpoint, this deepening coldness is the result, as Elder Quentin L. Cook described, of Satan “raging in the hearts of men [and women] in so many new and subtle ways” (Ensign, Nov. 2014, 46).

Rage or anger can lead to contention; negative feelings follow.  Jesus warned the Nephites that “contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Nephi 11:29).  Elder Dallin H. Oaks pointed out that the Savior’s injunction was not just against “those who were not keeping the commandment about baptism. He forbade contention by anyone” (Ensign, Nov. 2014, 26, emphasis added).

In this heightened climate of antagonism, if we’re not careful, anger can catch us in any seemingly mundane setting.  For example: I recently went to a bank to transact some business.  I decided to use my 30 minute lunch break and left about 45 minutes before noon hoping to zip through the line and return to work with time to spare … no such luck.  When I arrived, a line seven people deep greeted me.  Committed to my plan, I sighed and stepped into the line to wait my turn.  It wasn’t long before I noticed the non-movement of the line.  Some of the people ahead of me were grumbling.  There seemed to be plenty of bank workers behind the Plexiglas wall, but only two were actually helping customers.  I guess the other workers were fulfilling some job function, but for us in line, their seeming inaction in moving our line made them easy targets for low grade ire.

But then … up to the next open window walked a lady who wanted to deposit cash and rolled coins.  The reason I know this is because her desired outcome began to go sideways.  Apparently, the teller told her that it was branch policy not to accept coin rolls.  That was lighter fluid.  What had been a low grade flame of frustration over the slow moving line burst into an exasperated campfire!  How dare the teller make such a statement!  The lady made rolled coin deposits at the branch near her work all the time.  What was the difference with this branch?  What terrible service!

When she started yelling, I rolled my eyes.  “Oh, boy,” I thought, “this isn’t good.”  As an assistant manager or manager rushed to the teller’s side as backup, several people standing ahead of me in the line shifted the focus of their frustration from the bank workers to the lady.  “Who does she think she is holding the rest of us up?” one woman whispered.  “If she could do this transaction at that other branch, why didn’t she go there?” replied a man.  “Why couldn’t she have done this some other time?” chimed another woman. “I just need to make a quick transaction, she’s making me late,” said a fourth.  Verbal wood tossed onto the contention campfire.  The more the main four people in front of me talked about the lady, the more animated one guy in particular became.  Meanwhile, I noticed a palpable, oppressive negativity start to grow within the walls of the bank.

More customers were filing in behind me.  The lady persisted in going on and on about not being able to deposit her coins.  Management finally realized they had a situation and pulled another teller to the windows to handle the growing crowd.  This new window had a chair in front of it and the blue wheelchair sign indicating handicapped; it also happened to be right next the window where the lady was continuing her diatribe!  With this new window open, the line started moving again.  Soon, the man who had expressed the greatest displeasure against the lady was called to the handicapped window.  As he started his transaction, he did something that surprised me … he started arguing with the lady, repeating things muttered earlier in line!  Already fired up, the lady tartly responded to his jabs.  We had now gone from campfire to bonfire and the negativity inside the bank deepened.

The man finished his transaction and stormed out of the bank.  The line was now moving quickly.  After a couple of minutes, my turn at the handicapped window arrived.  During all of this, I had been trying to keep a level head.  My 30 minute lunch break was shot.  I now hoped I could get back to my work desk in time.  Frustrated and surround by a gloom of negativity, the snarky side of me wanted to say something passive/aggressive at the lady as I sat down in the chair.  When I slipped my bill under the glass, my teller asked, “Is this all you’ll be taking care of today?”  At that moment, the reply, “Yes, I don’t have any rolled coins to deposit today,” pushed toward my vocal cords.  Thankfully, discretion overtook me and I actually said, “Yes, this is it,” and fought hard to keep my mouth shut while the teller processed my transaction.  Business completed, I quickly headed for the doors.  The moment I stepped outside, the oppressive, negative pressure popped like a balloon.  By the time I pulled into the parking lot of my work building, I felt much better and I returned to my desk just under the 30 minute mark.

I’m thankful that in this instance I clamped down on my natural man.  Unfortunately, there have been plenty of other times when I haven’t: like when I yelled at Ben, while we were playing Mario Kart 8 together, for something he did after crossing the finish line that cost me several places—not one of my finer moments; one for which I needed to apologize.  We live “at that day [when Satan] shall … rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good” (2 Nephi 28:20).  So much rage is expended on concepts that used to be considered “good.”  If not careful, we who are holding fast to the good could respond with cold, reactionary rage.  We also need to be very vigilant against the negative forces tempting us to “wax cold” against family members, neighbors, ward members, co-workers—anyone.  Easy?  No.  “There seem to be countless possible reasons for anger” said President Thomas S. Monson. “No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible” (Ensign, Nov. 2009, 67, 68, emphasis in original).

Am I advocating we become “Pollyannaish” and walk around with Pleasantville smiles painted on our faces?  No.  There will be times in life when we will have to deal with negative situations and they will cause us to become angry.  I don’t believe denying the feeling and acting like it doesn’t exist is particularly healthy either (it’s the 2nd of the 5 stages of loss and grief).  What I am saying is that we should strive to not allow the anger to consume us.  That’s what I saw in the bank.  The lady yelled at the bank teller, which opened the door to the contentious feelings.  And one man permitted his anger to consume him enough that he willingly contended with the lady.  Maybe they both felt justified as they left the building, but their actions accomplished nothing good.

Being contentious opens the door for Satan and his ilk; allowing anger to consume us will only take us down “strange roads” (1 Nephi 8:32) that will not lead to positive places.  Learning to overcome anger will become more important as we come ever closer to the second coming of the Savior.  The more we can fight off negative influences, like those I experienced in the bank, the more we will be able to keep the influence of the Spirit.  Keeping the Spirit with us, will also help us to react in ways that will show “all men … that [we] are [Christ’s] disciples” (John 13:35).